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I the Artist

by erinnluciaa


I am an Artist,

of view, analysis, capture, and release.

But I am not the power behind the Magic.

I am a slave to the Light,

for which no success can be obtained without its grace.

But I am not an impatient wallflower,

for I know real beauty lies unnoticed—

And natural, to grow more glorious in germination

as I will too.

I am seeker of aspects overlooked,

for the neglected is often the most beautiful,

the most used, the most once-loved, the most aged with history.

But I am not forgetful that the surface contains rarity,

and it has earned its right to be noticed, to be adored, to be stolen—

As a heart on a sleeve

or a moment in infinity.

I am Artist,

of the view finder, lens, shutter button, film.


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Sat Mar 07, 2015 12:25 am
Tuesday wrote a review...



Hello! CapitalMonday here for a review and I welcome you to YWS! I would first like to say how mostly your theme, metaphors, and similes make this poem a true masterpiece. This poem could relate to many people since they too could be an artist or maybe a writer in this amazing world. The thoughts and talents we hold are out own artwork or pages in a book, waiting to be wrote in by what you have to say.

The poems seems like someone trying to show everyone their true talent through anything they can find. And like most people, like myself, true to show off their true self to everyone around them sticking out like a sore thumb in a place where you can be whoever you want to be.

Sorry if this doesn't make sense..
CapitalMonday




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Sun Jan 26, 2014 4:41 pm
smile wrote a review...



hello
so this is your review ..
1-the theme : so interesting and very unique. i liked the idea behind it , and how did you present it in an attractive way.
2-the title : it was kinda simple , and i think a nice poem like that must have a catchy title to complete it.
3- the parts that i didn't like :

"of the view finder, lens, shutter button, film." and "of the view finder, lens, shutter button, film."
for me these parts kinda break the rhythm and the flow , and it's important to mention them because they're in the beginning and the end which are " important parts" in a poem .

4- my favourite parts :

"As a heart on a sleeve"

" But I am not the power behind the Magic.I am a slave to the Light,"

i mostly liked these parts they are very unique and add a nice touch to your poem.

happy reviewing :)




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Sun Jan 26, 2014 4:27 pm
Magenta wrote a review...



Hello erinnluciaa,

This is Magenta here to review your poem, I the Artist, which you have recently submitted to YWS during this fine review day contest. I would first like to say welcome as well, as I see that you are new to YWS. I am glad to see you submitting writing so soon. Anyway, I think that this piece was great! ;) I love the way that you capture the image as an artist but also as a poet. You did a great job with this. I have a few suggestions and comments to make as you continue on your writing.

"But I am not an impatient wallflower,
for I know real beauty lies unnoticed—
And natural, to grow more glorious in germination
as I will too."

I am not so sure that you need to have the adjective in front of the word "wallflower". This doesn't describe the wallflower the right way. That is just my view and it is only a minor detail in this great piece. I'm also not sure if you need the "-" dash at the end. It doesn't need to be there unless that was to show some different meaning.

I love the metaphors that you have in here as well. But the ending is a little too long and unnecessary. "of the view finder, lens, shutter button, film." You don't really need that in there.

Aside from these minor details and a couple of other things, you have an amazing poem! Continue on writing. ;)

~ Magenta




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Sun Jan 26, 2014 3:08 pm
TimmyJake wrote a review...



Timmy here for a review on review day!

You are new to YWS, so I will say Welcome! This appears to be your first work published here, so well done! It is a great piece to start off with!

The idea behind thist piece was just brilliant. I loved how all of your metaphors involved some kind of art, such as this one:

of the view finder, lens, shutter button, film.
But some of the metaphors are too long and don't add anything... Why not just state that he was an artist of photography, because that is what he is, afterall. Not an artist of the viewfinder, but an artist of photography.

This poem lacks lines that grip you, especially an ending line. And while your line, I am an artist sounds really neat, it lacks the gripping effect as well. You want starting lines that will entrance your reader, and draw them in to your story. (A poem is just a rhythmical story)

So now, since I have hit those parts, I will just mention a few other things I noticed.

of view, analysis, capture, and release. ---Commas to me always break up poetry and mess up the flow. Maybe you could reword it so that those lines flow a little better? That, and even if you leave it, I am pretty sure that the last comma isn't necessary. (Didn't check my English book, but I am pretty sure.


But I am not an impatient wallflower,

for I know real beauty lies unnoticed— ----How does knowing where real beauty lies not make you impatient? Impatient to see the real beauty? State it!


As a heart on a sleeve

or a moment in infinity. ---Easily my favorite lines. I love this part: Moment in infinity


So that sums up my nitpicks! This was a terrific start to YWS. I am looking forward to your next poem!
Oh, and since this is review day, and although I have no idea what this really means, Fahrvergnügen
~Timmyjake




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Fri Jan 24, 2014 9:10 pm
TinyDancer wrote a review...



Hey there!

This poem has a great concept, but as the previous reviewer stated, it has a few weak spots that I want to offer some help with. I don't think you need so much punctuation. Poetry is meant to be a free form of writing and especially since you are writing in free verse here, I don't think you need all that stuffy punctuation to reign your poem in. Try playing with line and stanza breaks and capitalization to convey the pauses that you would have in punctuation. Secondly, there were just a few word choices that ruffled my feathers (and since you are the artist...scuze the pun...you can take these suggestions or leave them) first, "germination"...I think perhaps "cultivation" works better here. Also, the line "a moment in infinity" sounds just a tad cliche...that's what photography is and everyone knows that. When I read a poem, I like to see imagery that I've never seen before. A friend of mine once put it like this...I want to taste flavors I didn't know existed. In other words, read your poem out loud and if you've heard a phrase somewhere else before, try to find a new way to say the phrase. It'll liven up your poetry and make it more eclectic and tasty! One last thing, you don't always have to use "the." Sometimes your poem can flow more effectively and become more personified and lively if you take the blocky, analytic "the" out of it. For example, read your last line aloud with and without "the" before view finder. See how you like it.

Now, to end on a super positive note, here's a list of all the things I adore about this poem...
the line "I am a slave to the Light" is wonderfully articulated. You contradict the negativity of slavery with the positivity of light just like negatives of film and the exposure of light and the light feeling that photography brings you. That's so very well thought out and smart. Bravo! Second, I love the dainty observational feel of this piece. So often, photography poems feel voyeuristic. But in this one you've really captured the innocent, appreciative bystander voice without sounding creepy, so kudos there too.

If you have any questions or want anything else reviewed, just let me know! Keep writing :)

Peace, Love, Good Vibes
~Jess




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Fri Jan 24, 2014 6:58 pm
InfinityAndBeyond wrote a review...



Hello there, Buzz here to review!

Well I like the concept of your poem, its interesting, creative and has potential.

However there are punctuation and grammatical errors in this and the word choice in some aspects of your piece ruins the flow of your poem in general, which can tend to confuse the reader.

You also have an unequal line length and syllables in each sentence which again, can hinder the flow of the poem. Perhaps splitting this up into stanzas for more clarity.

I like the title but there should be a comma after, "I", it should read, "I, the Artist"

"I am an Artist,
of view, analysis, capture, and release.
But I am not the power behind the Magic.
I am a slave to the Light,
for which no success can be obtained without its grace.
But I am not an impatient wallflower,
for I know real beauty lies unnoticed—
And natural, to grow more glorious in germination
as I will too.

The first line wasn't as attention grabbing as I would have liked but it's not a bad start, it just lacks a bit of punctuation as they're too many commas for an opening line - too many breaks. There also shouldn't be a comma after the word, "and".

I feel that more poetic word usage and imagery can be used in your poem, as you're talking about art. In the fourth line, "for which no success can be obtained without its grace."
This needs some poetic language rather than using words like, "obtain". I wasn't really sure where you were going with this, it almost read as if it were a quote.

"But I am not an impatient wallflower,
for I know real beauty lies unnoticed—"

Here, from my understanding of a wallflower, is a person who has characteristics such as: shy, excluded, observant, introvert etc... Anyways I think "impatient" wasn't quite the correct word to choose relation to a wallflower.

"And natural, to grow more glorious in germination
as I will too."

I liked this line, I only had a slight issue with the word, "germination", it didn't seem to fit with the rest of the line, in my opinion, but you are the poet.

I am seeker of aspects overlooked,
for the neglected is often the most beautiful,
the most used, the most once-loved, the most aged with history.
But I am not forgetful that the surface contains rarity,
and it has earned its right to be noticed, to be adored, to be stolen—
As a heart on a sleeve
or a moment in infinity.
I am Artist,
of the view finder, lens, shutter button, film.

The line, "I am seeker of aspects overlooked", You're missing the word, "the" after, "am" its there for punctuation reasons, it doesn't make sense without it.

"for the neglected is often the most beautiful,
the most used, the most once-loved, the most aged with history."

This is a really nice line but its a bit too long it continues again, more like a quote as oppose to poetry.

"As a heart on a sleeve
or a moment in infinity."

I loved these lines, they were beautiful so very well done on that!

Overall a nice poem with plenty of potential, I hope It wasn't too harsh of a review, hopefully it was of help to you.

-Buzz




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Fri Jan 24, 2014 6:20 pm
erinnluciaa says...



My introduction.





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— Roald Dahl