A novel of fantastical love, irish folklore and the adventures of one stubborn sixteen year old CIPA patient.
June
The second they pulled into the cobblestone driveway of their out of place metal structure of a home in the country, June swung open the door to their ridiculously expensive, submarine yellow Porsche and half crutched, half walked to the front door. Appeasing her mother out of forcing her back into the obscene wheelchair she had borrowed from the hospital.
“Juniper-Lee Auguste! Your father is not going to be pleased to see you walking on that ankle!” Her mother called after her as she killed the ignition.
June turned the key in the lock and stifled a yawn, “Since when is Dad home anyways?” With that blow to her mother’s soft spot she closed the door, not meaning to slam it, but slamming it none the less.
June was frustrated with her stupid disease, frustrated with her fighting parents and overall just frustrated with her hectic life. Punching in the security code on the pad beside the door without even trying to be careful of snapping a nail or breaking a finger. She ditched her crutches in the overly luminous, spacious hallway and hopped to her room, if only to avoid going back to the hell that is the hospital, and slammed that door too.
She threw herself down on her four poster feather-filled- all-over bed and tuned her stereo on to The Beat, letting the bass rumble in her chest. It was one of the few things that June thought she could truly feel. Her shrink, the one she was forced to see after telling her mother about the resin necklace, had said that it was normal to experience an overactive imagination being in her condition. Secretly she had heard him whisper to her parents that it could be a form of schizophrenia or manic depression taking root. Apparently it was not uncommon in CIPA patients.
She lifted the cloth that covered her bedside table and reaching underneath the wood she pulled out the resin necklace from the ledge where it hid. Inside the resin were three Juniper berries perfectly preserved. When the shrink tried to take it away, saying that she shouldn’t have anything to provoke further psychosis, June stole into his office and took the necklace back, replacing it with another resin necklace containing some sort of bug. She hoped he wasn’t paying attention enough to notice. Apparently he hadn’t been because June has had the precious gem back in her possession for months and he hadn’t called her on it.
The smooth resin was cold and heavy in her palm, how could she imagine such a feeling, it had to be real! She felt the familiar excitement bubble up inside of her. Even if this was schizophrenia, she wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world because to feel, to truly feel something, was the best thing she could ever ask for. She put the stone to her cheek, feeling, allowing the sense of touch to envelop her and open something special deep inside.
As the poster-covered door to her room began to creak open, June tucked the necklace under the covers, accidentally ripping another hole in the fabric. Pretending she did nothing wrong, June positioned herself laying back in her covers to hide the lump and leaking feathers and closed her eyes.
Her mother cleared her throat, and June pressed the pause button on her stereo remote. Her mother stared silently until June caved. “I’m sorry mom. It’s just.. Ugh! Hospitals get me in such a bad mood! I shouldn’t have said that about Dad though, sorry.”
Triumphant, yet still put out her mother strode over her bad and took a seat beside her, dangerously close to where the necklace poked June in her rib, “it’s okay sweetheart, but you need to understand that your father’s job is very stressful and very time consuming. I wouldn’t be able to stay home with you if he didn’t put in the hours that he does.” A lie, June’s family was one of the wealthiest families in this town. She would rather be poor with a father, than rich without. “He does the best he can.” Was she trying to convince me or herself? June had to ask inside.
“I know.” June lied, because it is so beyond the truth that he does the best he can. When it came to his precious work, maybe, but when it came to his family? June and her mother definitely ranked second place, if that. June had her suspicions of an affair, and although her mother never seemed to take notice, June heard her mother’s sobs every time she called the office to find he had gone hours before.
Once her mother turned and silently walked out. Glossy eyed, June again explored the world of touch through the only thing she could truly feel, blocking out the negative emotions that raged inside.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Thanks Dudette, you were a lot of help actually and thanks for the ego boost! I will be posting the edits shortly and hopefully part three soon after. It hard to find time to write while editing my completed and with work and all.
Thanks!
Hey =]
I'm back for part two!
The second they pulled into the cobblestone driveway of their quaint country home June swung - Comma after 'home'
She ditched her crutches in hallway - You need 'the' after 'in' Also, a little description of the hallway here would be nice. Even if you only write something like; 'She ditched her crutches on the oak flooring of the brightly lit hallway' - You don't even need to add as much as that - I'm known for too much description myself =]
Secretly she heard him - I think you should add in 'had after 'she'
now, inside - I'd maybe change the comma to a full stop.
Even if this was schizophrenia she wouldn’t - I'd maybe add in a comma after 'schizophrenia'
began to creak open June flung the - Comma after 'open'
Pretending she did nothing wrong - I think 'she'd done' would sound better than 'she did'
yet still put out her mother - Comma after 'out'
when she would rather - I think 'when' would be better as ' though'
Overall;
I agree that this part was short and lacked in description. A little more description would help to make the setting and people seem more real.
Can you please PM me when you post part three?
I hope I've been of some help to you!
xDudettex =]
I really think this is good.
But if you could had made it a tad bit longer i would had loved it.
I hope you keep writing more.
p.s-There a few spelling errors also.
[/quote][i] Was she trying to convince me or herself? [i][/quote]
Random floating tags.
Other than that, everyone else has gone over everything else. XP A bit more description would be nice, as would making it clear right away why June is so nasty at the beginning of the chapter.
In any case, I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Meadowlark!
I didn't see you there!
Thanks for your review, i will add more desciption and fix it up according to your suggestions. I was in a rush and when im in a rush nothing comes out right, that will teach to write when I have time constraints haha.
And you won't have to wait too long for the fantasy aspect of it, maybe three more parts I think, possibly less though.
Rubin
Thank you for your review, I will try to add alittle more description because unfortunately i am know for bridging, i really just can't wait to get to the good parts, but i will try not to rush it!
Of course I will PM you!
*happily humms while writing review* sorry for sorta of spamming your review box but...well, sorry.
Sorry I'm just a little hyper. But once again i really like the story!! PM me when chapter three is up! 
Okay review time. Its good but put a TON of description in. It sort of seems like this was a bridge to get to the good part in the story. NO BRIDGES. Period. I'm just as guilty of doing it, but I'm trying to get better. haha
Heya there!
Hop e you don't keep us waiting too long 
I'm not exactly why the whole thing is in italics but I'll just ignore it. I couldn't find anything wrong with most of it so I'll just point out a couple o' things.
Description~ This piece lacks description. Give June's home some life. Describe the yard, driveway, house, and all the rooms she had to go through to get to her room. Don't go overboard with it all but enough to quench your reader's curiousity
Characters~ There wasn't much development here. I like how you explained about her father and he never being home and such. It adds to the story and we know that the mother has a soft spot. But try and give your characters a little more personality.
Plot~ I know this is only the second part but I'm curious to know where this is going...and when the fantasy part is coming in
You changed tenses here. It should be lied. So her father doesn't try hard at work or what?
When did her mother leave the room? You may want to mention that in here.
Try not to start sentences with "and"
The comma after "town" should be a period. Then jest nix the "when". For some reason I like this sentence. There's just something about it that I can't quite put my finger on it.
I enjoy reading this. I still say I like how you're writing about a CIPA patient.
PM if you have any questions and when the next part is up.
Happy Writing!
Meadow
Thank you Ofir!!
You just made my day, its far from being at its best but i'm glad you liked it!
Of course I'll PM you when the next piece is out!
AWESOME! I'm a little overeacting but it's just because I think it's great!! You had a few minor spelling mistakes, but other than that, *mouth open* it's just amazing. Publish it or something! They'd totally accept it, in my opinion.
It was all beautifully written.
Ofir
Springrain
Why didn't I think of that *nervous laugh* Will do!
Hey there! Would you mind putting numbers in your titles? Such as June [1] for the first and June [2] for this, so that your readers can keep track?
Thanks
June