Preface
Her eyes glistened in the limelight as she looks at her reflection in the lake. The air is cold and her throat is raw from crying. All that surrounds her is woods and the lake, nothing else. She sniffles and a tear runs down her cheek, falls off her chin and into the water below the dock. Small riffles form and a frog hopped out from behind a lily pad. A smirk draws across her face thinking about the days she used to spend out here with Jim watching the frogs hop along the lily pads. This, this was her place, a place where she could think about things being different if she had only been there sooner to save her true love……..
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well...this was an interesting little preface here, looks like this particular story is going to be off to a pretty sad start here by the looks of things..although I do get almost a tiny sense of bittersweetness towards the end and going off the context here, I feel like perhaps that emotion wasn't quite what you were aiming for there so you might want to reconsider that one just a teensy bit.
That was I believe about the only concern I have here though, cause otherwise you know, this is a pretty small piece that's trying to convey a rather specific emotion there...aand I believe it manages to do its job pretty well here with the tone that it manages to generate and the way that you slowly develop almost a little bit of backstory for this here character with the mention of how this is a familiar place. Those little touches like that really help make a story that much more realistic, so you've done a great job there.
All in all, as far as preface's go, this one appears to be pretty solid here, and having read this, I do think, this is the sort of story I just might read more of here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I believe that this is necessarily good preface, but it can be polished. Even for such a short piece that you've got here. There is a very good sense of mystery in it, you have the reader wondering who Jim was and what importance she was to him. (Obviously from what we can tell they were lovers.)
I'm interested to see where this going, and hoping to find out more about Jim and your MC.
SO SORRY! I accidentally commented before whereas I ment to post a review so I am re-posting! Sorry again!
Hey there! Great little piece of literature here! It reminds me of my first post here also!
I could only find a few little nit picky things that may acquire your attention. So lets get down to it!
"All that surrounds her is woods and the lake, nothing else."
This line has a double statement, 'All that surrounds her' and 'nothing else' state the same piece of information.
Perhaps, 'Nothing but the forest and gentle lake could be seen around her' or
'The silent trees of the forest and the calm of the lake were all that surrounded her now'.
'Small riffles form'
Riffles doesn't seem like the right word to use here (Riffles can't really form), Riffles are more of an action word.
For example, 'the man riffled the young lads hair'. Perhaps you meant to say ripples?
However perhaps you meant for it to be that way.
That's all I could find, I hope I wasn't too harsh!
On a positive note I really enjoyed the piece as small as it may be and it had a brilliant ending to it! It leaves you asking questions and engages the reader in a deep thought of how Jim died, Why he died, and what this mysterious girl seems to be blaming herself for!
It's short, but you certainly achieved the goal of a preface!
Well done
Hey there! Great little piece of literature here! It reminds me of my first post here also!
I could only find a few little nit picky things that may acquire your attention. So lets get down to it!
"All that surrounds her is woods and the lake, nothing else."
This line has a double statement, 'All that surrounds her' and 'nothing else' state the same piece of information.
Perhaps, 'Nothing but the forest and gentle lake could be seen around her' or
'The silent trees of the forest and the calm of the lake were all that surrounded her now'.
'Small riffles form'
Riffles doesn't seem like the right word to use here (Riffles can't really form), Riffles are more of an action word.
For example, 'the man riffled the young lads hair'. Perhaps you meant to say ripples?
However perhaps you meant for it to be that way.
That's all I could find, I hope I wasn't too harsh!
On a positive note I really enjoyed the piece as small as it may be and it had a brilliant ending to it! It leaves you asking questions and engages the reader in a deep thought of how Jim died, Why he died, and what this mysterious girl seems to be blaming herself for!
It's short, but you certainly achieved the goal of a preface!
Well done