Published June 16, 2009
Dancing in eternity,
drowning in serenity,
falling into open minded dreams.
Sunless days,
moonless nights,
breaking dawn with frightened screams.
Hours pass but only seconds,
times is frozen yet speeding by,
sometimes standing still is the only way to move ahead.
Without rejection what would be the hype about acceptance?
Without fear there would be no courage?
What is pain when it's all you've ever felt?
The crow flies by unnoticed ,
only when you look up do you see how far its flown,
and how much of it's flight you missed.
Time flies like a crow,
and if you try you can watch them both fly.
Living like your not alive,
speaking words that arent yours,
don't get caught up in the limelight.
Tie your pain up,
live your life up,
cause you only get one.
Don't be held down by the past,
Be weightless for the future,
just Live.
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140,627 Literary Works • 673,569 Reviews
Hey Unstable!
Okay, so the first reviewer got most of the details. First I would like to say, nice job on this one. You're really turning into a good poet. I like how you used opposites all the time, but it did get a little confusing in some parts. Don't worry about it though, it just takes practice really. But you did a fine job on this one! Congratulations!
Hey there! And welcome to YWS!
Wow. I really liked this poem. I wish I could have been able to write that well when I was twelve! The theme of the poem was excellent. It goes along with the debate of would good still be good if there were no evil. I love the message about letting go of your past. Because of what you prefaced it with, it did not seem cliche at all. My only nitpick is I'm not quite sure if acceptation is a word. It might, be, but I have not heard it before. Keep writing!
-Alyssa
Hi there!
I liked the message that you were trying to convey, but when you put it to words, it's a bit jumbled up. You should try writing down your ideas on a piece of paper first before entering it onto the paper. (It's a way to keep yourself organized, but there are many other methods too.)
Also, there's no need to capitalize the first letter of the first word of every line. Like example:
"Tie your pain up,
Live your life up,"
The 'L' of 'live' shouldn't be capitalized because the punctuation before it is a comma. Unless it is a period, exclaimation mark or question mark, you don't need to capitalize it (and other lines.).
Overall, it was a nice poem. Just improve a bit more on the organization of the content, then everything will be fine.
Keep writing!