Published December 8, 2011
Smile when it hurts the most.
Smile when you see the ghosts.
Smile when you want to cry.
Smile when you want to die.
You are just a plastic mold,
An empty shell in someone's clothes.
Nothing left inside your heart.
You are empty cold and dark.
Never frown though it is scary.
Never frown though our face grows weary.
Never frown because you're still happy,
Never frown just keep on laughing.
You are just a plastic mold,
A shell in someone else's clothes.
Nothing left inside your heart,
You are lifeless cold and dark.
Forget what may not be unseen,
Forget, like it's just a dream.
Forget because you need to go.
Forget before the feelings grow.
You are just a plastic mold,
A shell in someone else's clothes.
Nothing left inside your heart.
You are empty cold and dark.
Smile to keep your heart from aching .
Smile to keep you facade from breaking.
Smile you know what to do.
Smile, nothing's up to you.
You are just a plastic mold,
A shell in someone else's clothes.
Nothing left inside your heart.
You are empty cold and dark
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140,561 Literary Works • 673,435 Reviews
Hey Emoticon! Dogs here with your review today! Awesome avatar
I pown at COD lol. Anyways! This is a great idea for a poem, I like how the idea is overused and you took that old topic and turned it into something new and original. Something that stands out from all the other poems about masks and not being who you really are, so props to you on that one!
Now, although this poem is great. I really like the repetition in the 1st, 3rd, 5th, and 7th stanzas. That part is good, however I really really really do not like how the 2nd 4th 6th and 8th stanza are all the same except for one word in the 2nd stanza. That however, is way to much repetition, it just takes from all of your great creativity because you had this great opening going and then you have a good follow up and then anouther good 3rd stanza but then the same thing for the 4th stanza? And then the same for the 6th and 8th? no, that is to much. I suggest you only use that great line in the 2nd stanza in only 2 stanzas for an absolute maximum. You have talent and creativity, you can make different stanzas instead of using the same one over and over again.
Finially, this poem is very good don't get me wrong, but you have so many places where you can make it great by maybe just broadening your vocab, use different words then the old and worn out words that we all read every day. You use to many simple words, leave a bigger impact with us with stronger words. If you are having troubles with broadening your vocab i suggest you look up a simple and old word in a thesaurus. It really helps trust me.
All and all this poem is good! But you can make it sooo much better. Keep up the good work!!!
TuckEr EllsworTh
Hi
Your poem is very nice, i love the way you use the same words to start in one para then skip and then start over with the repetition of words.
I think you need to put commas in some places like:
And over here I don't really know what you mean... maybe you are trying to say forget what may be seen, or maybe your trying to say forget what may not be seen, or Forget what may be unseen.
But other then that I really like it
Keep writing