my mind's summer

Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:


Thanks for sharing what appears to be a flow-of-consciousness poem where one thought flows or merges into the other in a sometimes seemingly meaningless sequence but yet conveying some significant theme.

I have read plenty of such poems and some can be very fascinating due to the variety of imagery employed and the unique juxtaposition of otherwise contradictory ideas.

This poem I understood as a commentary about how the speaker feels toward his relationship with another person he calls you and other people he calls they. It seems to delve on a relationship that isn’t going all that well based on mutual misunderstandings that the speaker tries to explain in cryptic ways. Now, explanations that are cryptic constitutes an oxymoron of sorts since why explain if we are going to be cryptic. Do we really want the other person to understand us? If so, why not speak clearly?

But that is just the point. The poem is showing us how such matters flow through the mind in a stream and don’t necessarily have to make semantic sense as long as they make senst to the thinker.

The lack of punctuation can be understood as an attempt at conveying that meditative state of mind where the rules of punctuation and grammar aren’t an important thing.

So seen from that perspective, everything in the poem is justifiable and there is absolutely nothing that can really be criticized.

Thanks for sharing and looking forward to reading more of your work.

oops!

Hey, Wendy here to review this piece!

The basic idea and concept of this poem is really touching. It can make a reader feel like they can relate to the poem by comparing to their own life experiences ( haven't but my friends have).

Whenever you start a new line, you don't capitalize the next letter, which gives me a feeling of prolonged speech. If you were reading this, that would be good as to not break your train of thought. But if you were reading this, it would be a bit hard to take a breath.

The way you convey your thoughts through your writing is something I'll never be able to do. It seems as though you are speaking--again--through real experiences or incidents that have happened to you, as the writer.

Whenever you have a really good sentence going, using all the flowy words and elegant sentence formation, you often then follow end or use the words: gonna, cause, etc. that kind of ruins the nice and majestic feel you had going on. Those words should usually be avoided in writing because even though that is how people in real life speak, it's not how it's actually written down.

That's all I have for you today, write happily!

Hi! Welcome to yws! Hope you're enjoying your time here so far.
Ok. This is your first. I'm really impressed. I've always felt connected to deep poems with no context.

The fact that you haven't capitalized the first letters does give it a very distinctive feel, which I quite enjoy.
I liked how you presented the writer's thoughts. How she feels she's just used by people and when they're done. They throw her off. Kinda reminds me of 'Liability'.

The flow seems really structured. The ending really hits you with a whole lotta feels. Like how this person is just a fragment of her imagination, what she wants the person to be. But she realizes she has to move on.

I guess punctuation is a factor. To help the sentence flow. But personally, I found the poem flowed well just as is.

'but this is all I know and i'm no pretender unless you count faking feeling real'
This line really hit me. It's so relatable it hurts.

I really loved this poem, overall. A really work of emotions. Look forward to reading more from you. See ya around.

-Stor