Published December 28, 2010
XIII. Misfortune
“My truck wouldn’t start,” Sadie chattered, shivering in the bitter cold; she wasn’t yet prepared for this type of winter.
“Come inside, you idiot,” Jack joked, taking her hand and leading her inside. “You must be freezing.”
Sadie grinned at his attempt of intuition and retorted, “You think?”
“You’re out of luck, m’dear,” the blonde haired boy stated, chuckling at Sadie’s angry response. “Aunt Devorah took the car out this morning and still isn’t back.”
Sadie pursed her lips and huffed through her nose. “Can I borrow some winter clothes then? I guess I’m riding my bike to the city.”
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Good, just a few things.
I know it may seem like i am being nit-picky, but show us how they talk, don't tell us.
Adverbs are great in moderation, but over usage can serve as a distraction to the reader and can turn a good peace of literature in to just a bunch of words on paper.
Also, more detail wouldn't hurt, because this seems like it has a lot of potential.
Other than that, good job.
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-jojo
i like the situation but there's not enough, you need to add more detail to it and it may be come more clear to people.