Published August 18, 2011
I can see
their shadows
and hear
their murmurs.
They whisper
their secrets
softly,
in my ear.
They complain
that I am
the only one
to listen to them.
They wander
the earth,
moaning
for eternity
If only
I could
help them.
If only.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,172 Literary Works • 673,034 Reviews
Amazing! Just stunning flow and precision. You can tell the simplicity was well put together! I want to share what it reminds me of! It reminds me of schizophrenia! A mental disorder where the you hear voices in your head. I kinda reminds me how you can not soothe those voices and how as negative as they can be they come from you. And helping yourself is one of the hardest things in this world you can do! Thank you for that journey!
That is what I would like to call a mini candy bar poem with a touch of darkness. It may look short and choppy on the surface but, I am compelled to believe that there is a much greater significance to it. Your ability to create mystery is basic, though quite effective, for I'm sure that everybody who read it wondered who "they" were. However, to guarantee that whoever reads it will ponder on it throughout their day, you must set the poem's genesis up in a more gripping fashion (and everything else for that matter)
But it was a good poem though, infinite in potential and all.
Good work, keep it up!
//Abyss.
Hm, I wasn't sure about the short lines but it seems to flow quite well. There are some lines such as the ones at the end that seem a little choppy but otherwise, it works. Well done, it gives a sort of eerie feeling and it makes you think. That's a very good thing in a poem, to make your reader think and wonder. I quite like this, keep up the good work! You're writing is quite beautiful.
Good job.
-Greena