Just so you know before you read this there is not one thing in this story that makes any sense. It's just a heap of random...ness that I wrote down. Now you have been warned but feel free to read it anyway.
It was a dark and stormy night and DC was fast asleep. Suddenly a huge clap of thunder rolled through the air followed by a flash of lightning which lit up the sky. DC immediately woke from his dream about sailing. He looked around his room and saw that it was extremely dark. He looked at the clock. It was 1:57 am. He tried to go back to sleep but he simply couldn't. He got up and padded out to the kitchen. He opened the fridge out of habit then closed it when all he saw was a jar of three year old mustard and a whole turkey.
He decided to check the mail. When he got outside he remembered that it was about 2 am and that's why it was so dark. He checked the mail anyway but there was nothing in there. He walked along the footpath towards the edge of town. When he reached the post office he looked left and right and began to climb up the power pole. At the top he looked down. That's when he began to hear really annoying music. He tightrope walked along the powerlines in the direction of the music. He came to a house and climbed down the roof, still following the music. He peered into a window. He saw a girl on the computer so he knocked on the window. The girl looked at him then went back to playing the computer. DC grabbed a rock and chucked it at the window. It bounced off and rolled away. DC then grabbed a stick and smashed the window with it. The girl got up and said
"God, now look what you've done you tool."
DC said "Hi, I'm DC. That's short for Doctor Columbo."
The girl looked at him and said "I'm SUAGA. That's short for Shut Up and Go Away." DC didn't listen. He looked at her computer and saw she was playing Fairie Bubbles on Neopets which was where the really annoying music was coming from.
Suaga picked up her computer and carried it out of the room DC followed her. Suaga took her computer to the lounge room. DC looked around and saw that his younger sister Leslie was there.
"Hi Leslie, how do you know Suaga?" said DC.
Leslie said "Oh I met her at rehab,"
"Cool,” said DC.
Suaga had left the room. DC opened the fridge. A giant bit of killer cheese jumped out and started attacking him. Leslie hit it with an elephant tusk. It fell limp on the floor so DC and Leslie ate it. DC and Leslie's mother walked down the stairs.
"Come on or they'll leave without us!" she said. Leslie, DC and their mum got into the boat. Captain Jack Sparrow accidently tipped the boat upside down. DC woke up extremely wet because he was standing outside in the rain. His mother and sister were looking out the window shouting "You idiot DC, come inside!" So he went inside and ate a bit of cheese.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,854 Reviews
Hi! Well, your story was a little weird and I would you've put it into general fiction, I think posting it in fantasy will be better.
I don't know what to say about it, but there I shouldn't complain you warned everyone in the beginning!
But there are some things that I have so say. Dialogs that you wrote were great though but your sentences were pretty short. Also, you can elaborate your words in a better way if you try rewriting this piece.
All over, it was an interesting thing. If you continue this in a series you can turn it into the beginning of a nice story, but for that you will have to give time on it!
-Chetan
Firstly, let me say that I read your preface but continued reading anyway. I found the dialogue interesting to say the least. You obviously have an interest in writing and hence it's best to highlight the positives. Despite the randomness, I liked this piece because it was short, somewhat funny, and carried some witty humour. With that said, more planning and development could transform DC into a character to contend with. All it takes is a bit of patience and inspiration but writing is always the first step.
Sincerely,
-Elitehusky (Writing Name)