Young Writers Society

Hey,I'm here to review your work,I must say its a great piece,you are an amazing poet.

Your work madr e understand life,the silent sufferings, pains,afflictions.Feeling lonely,unloved trying to cover up the real you by acting like its okay
.Toiling day and night to make ends,struggling just to survive..

I love this

Hello, eloquentailurophile! Miranda here to review your poem.

I just want to say that I love your poem. I love your poem because you have a constant theme and good rhyming. And I feel, that a great poem has both of those. The comparisons you made were very unique, but they fit the poem perfectly. Your rhyming leaves a pleasant feel that just rolls right off of my tongue, and I love it! I saw the rhyme scheme (or whatever it is called) right away, which is good because it took no struggle. You have a great flow throughout the whole poem, which I also love. Personally, I wouldn't change anything about this poem.

So, I end this review with a positive message. You are an amazing writer and has a bright future, if you want to write. I thank you for your time and I hope you have a great day!

~Keep writing!~

Sincerely,
Miranda.

Hi, eloquentailurophile! Pan here to fry up a review for you.

I'm not normally a poetry reviewer, but I thought I'd break out of that and take a look at yours. Let's start with positives, shall we? Of which there are plenty:

1) Solid theme. One of my pet hates in poetry is the tendency for style over substance, especially when people start throwing metaphors around despite not even knowing what the metaphor is supposed to describe. With this poem, however, you ground yourself in the theme of overcoming pain despite the difficulties of it, and that is clear throughout.

2) Largely regular rhythm. There are some issues with this that I'll mention later, but most of your stanzas have a good rhythm that rolls off the tongue and feels pleasant to read.

3) Rhyming. Rhyming poetry is ridiculously difficult to write, and whilst there are a few rhymes in this piece which are a bit on the nose ('life' and 'strife' and 'knows' and 'rose' being the particular offenders) they are all complete and don't feel out of place.

As far as improvements go, I would like to see you expand on the positives. The theme is good, but I would like to see more exploration of it. Take every section individually and ask yourself what is being said in each one. A poem is not a story, but each stanza should still build on whatever message was conveyed in the previous one and say something new. At the moment, the first five stanzas all say the same thing to me - that emotional pain is a devastating thing to live with. Only the last one introduces a new line of thought. To improve the poem, you should try to have a theme that develops throughout - you could, for example, explore the stages of overcoming emotional pain, dedicating a stanza to each struggle.

Like I said, the rhythm is fairly even for for the majority of the poem, but it becomes unbalanced towards the end, disrupting the reader and throwing them off. In the first stanza, the number of syllables in each line goes 7, 6, 7, 7. In the last, however, it goes 9, 8, 11, 7 - far more uneven. To establish a constant rhythm, try to make sure that all of your lines throughout the poem are of a roughly equal number of syllables. Read it aloud to yourself to help you establish whether a line is an appropriate length or not.

As far as rhymes go, just try not to be led by them. The most difficult thing about writing rhyming poetry is making it look like you didn't try to make it rhyme - every line and word needs to feel like the most appropriate one available. There's no easy way to tackle rhymes other than to sit and toy with words until something sticks. I'd recommend making changes to stanzas six and two.

Hope this helped! PM me if you have any questions.

Keep writing!
~Pan