Chapter one.

This is a good start but I would just clarify who you are talking about in the beginning.
I got a little confused when you kept mentioning he and him and re read the begging till I figured it out. I understand wanting to keep the suspense to revealing the character at the end that Oliver is talking about but just try and clarify it a little more, maybe use physical descriptions.

Anyway you aware doing a good job with this already and I can't wait to read more.

Hello! Eternity here to review your work. I'm going to edit this as I read, so I've made all corrections and suggestions in red. I hope that's okay since you're looking for help so here you are:

Chapter One || April 12th

Oliver

As[/red] I flipped through my school [color=red]yearbook, I thought about the jerk I had become over the years. It made me realize how he --

Who is “he”? Make sure you input a name.

-- was better than me in every way imaginable. I tried to be jealous of him but it was impossible. He was one of those people that just brought you up and made you feel invincible. We were best friends, and as much as I tried to be as good as he was, I always fucked up. I was always making my parents disappointed. Why can’t you be more like him? I tried [color=red]but he was just a badass and made it look good. Whenever we got drunk at parties it was like he had some sort of immunity to the alcohol, because he always managed to look after me no matter how messed up I got. I had one chance to prove myself and I blew it, if I wasn’t such a bitch or if we had just walked the other way like he wanted but I insisted on the other way because I was always thinking about myself. Then maybe, just maybe, things would be different.
I heard my mom coming up the stairs so I threw the book in my bedside table, ripped open my suitcase and threw the nearest item of clothing inside.
She swung the door open and yelled in her thick Texan accent, even though we lived in Green Bay Wisconsin.
“Oliver, are you packed yet?”
“Why would I pack if I’m not going?” I responded, even though I could tell she wasn’t in the mood for my smart ass remarks.
“Oliver, you’re going whether you agree to it or not. Now hurry up, I want your suitcase in the car within the next hour.” And with that she walked out and slammed the door.
I wasn’t a big fan of family vacations as it was, and even though we hadn’t even left yet, this one was definitely going to top my list of the worst trip ever. And before you ask, no we weren’t going to Hawaii or Cabo. In fact, we were going way down south, and not south of Wisconsin, we were going south of America. Straight to Sydney, Austrailia.. Now Sydney seemed pretty cool and all and I know this trip had been planned since last year because my dad and his two friends own a chain of restaurants and they were opening a few across Australia and New Zealand. So, why don’t I want to go, you may also ask. Well, I wasn’t meant to. I was going to stay home with my older brother, Seth. He was at college and I was just finishing up senior high and we had planned the most epic spring break there ever was.
Everything was going to plan until last December when Seth was killed by a mentally unstable middle aged man who tried to rob us. If I hadn’t frozen dead in place when I saw the gun and just handed him my wallet then maybe Seth wouldn’t have jumped in and the guy wouldn’t have freaked out and fumbled around with the gun, shooting him. It was like one of those annoying catchy songs it just kept replaying over and over in my head. As much as I wanted to forget it I couldn’t and I wouldn’t.
So leaving my home and my friends and everything I had ever known for the next six months or so was not something I was personally looking forward to.
I decided to look around my room and think of the necessities I needed to bring until everything we had sent off last month arrived at our new home.
I walked into Seth’s room and it was exactly how it had been for the past 3 months, I walked into his closet and decided to take some of his jackets to Australia with me as if to not let the memory of him fade away.
After packing whatever I could find, no matter what it was I decided to call my girlfriend, Ashley, and go say a last goodbye to her before I left in the morning. I drove my truck over to her house and parked across the road deciding to light up a cigarette that didn’t contain any tobacco. I wasn’t addicted but I thought it would help take the edge off. I messaged her letting her know I was there and then saw her prance across the driveway in a tank top and the shortest denim shorts I had ever seen.
“Wow babe, you look great.”
Instead of replying straight away, she took the smoke out of my hand and took a mouthful herself.
She then stood there and pouted at me, which as much as I wanted to resist was so adorable, she was the hottest girl in the school, well next to Elle Holt apart from them both being hot they also had another thing in common which was being massive bitches, Ashley was head cheerleader and even though it was such a stereotype she definitely ruled the school, Elle on the other hand wasn’t known for being a bitch but only towards me, she hated me more than anything in the world and she made it known how much she hated me, which was funny because we have known each since long before I can remember. Her dad was best friends with my dad and coincidentally his business partner too.
“Who’s going to come bring me smoothies on Saturday mornings and take me to the mall,” Ashley whined while stroking my arm and putting the cigarette back into my mouth.
“I promise, baby, if my parents weren’t forcing me to go, I wouldn’t be going anywhere without you.”
Which was a lie because as much as I liked Ashley I felt I was drifting from her just like I was with all my other friends since Seth passing away. It was like none of it mattered anymore. The rest of the night Ashley just spoke about herself until will eventually went up to her room once her parents were asleep and had sex. As much as I hated to admit it I guess she was the only good thing in my life right now and I wanted to appreciate her a bit more, which I guess will now be hard once were living on the other side of the world for the next six months.
I was back at my car and we were saying our last goodbyes.
“Are you sure your parents won’t let you stay and come to spring break? It’sjust not going to be the same without you baby.”
“I know,” I replied while grabbing her closer to me trying to stop her from talking by constantly kissing her, but it was useless as she kept backing off and continued to pout and moan.
“I promise I’ll talk to you every single day and make sure Connor and Jacob take care of you in Mexico, God I’m jealous I wish I was coming with you guys,” I replied.
I could feel by phone buzzing in my pocket which must have meant my mom was freaking out and wanted me home.
“Anyway I gotta go Ash, I’ll see you in 6 months,” Even though I had to go we still managed to hug for the next 30 minutes and she broke out in tears.
I never pictured myself as the cry when you leave your girlfriend type but I could feel a tear or two present and I made sure I didn’t make it known to Ashley.
I don’t think the leaving her part was the upsetting part I think it was more the fact I was leaving in general and by leaving that meant leaving Seth behind.
I drove home to a manic house with my mom and dad arguing in the driveway about how they should pack the back of the car.
I tried to sneak in the front door but was forced into helping my Dad try and lift my mom’s suitcase into the back of the car.
The next morning, things went pretty smoothly considering last night was nothing but torturous. Everything was going well until we got to the airport, and were greeted by none other than Elle Holt and Zeek Osbourne.
“What the hell are they doing here,” I whispered to my mom as we walked over to the airport lounge.
“I didn’t want to tell you because I knew it would make you not want to come even more than you do now, Ollie, I’m sorry.” She replied.
But before she could finish, I had walked in the opposite direction and decided to sit outside the lounge, I knew it would embarrass my mom not going over and saying hi but I was so pissed off, how could she not tell me that the two people who hate me and I hate them were coming along with their parents, aka my dad’s two best friends and business partners half way across the world to spend none other than six whole months with me.
Zeek, I didn’t mind too much as he mostly kept to himself and we had a mutual moment last semester when I saw a guy beating him up and stepped in and beat the guy up instead. We both never mentioned anything about it, and I had wondered if he told Elle about it because maybe it would help her hate me less.
Lucky for me, we flew first class which meant a seat to myself and a whole 20 something hour flight to excogitate a plan on how I was going to survive the next six months in Australia with Elle and Zeek, I could already see them giggling, gossiping and staring at me and knew it was only going to get worse.
I decided to watch some of the movies on board and sneakily order a few drinks while my parents weren’t looking, because the only positive thing to come out of this trip was that being 18 in Australia now meant I could legally drink, being drunk the rest of the flight definitely made for an easy ride.
Before I knew it, it was as if the past 2 days didn’t happen and I was already in my new room in Australia, the house looked scaringly similar to our house back home, which made sense why my mom had been on her laptop and making constant calls for the past few months obviously trying to replicate our home back in Wisconsin. There was still one thing missing though and that was an empty room that should have been Seth’s.

My Comments

I really like this story and the major situation between the teens. I’m excited to read more. Here are my last few suggestions. Make sure you add periods or commas at the end of dialogue. That’s important. Also, try to explain things more. Don’t focus on dialogue. It’s description over dialogue. Anyways, keep writing and I hope I helped. Just write and I can help you edit if you want. Have a nice day!