Published April 28, 2010
The slit of a knife,
the cold-tiled floor,
My head jerked towards you as you opened the door,
Eyes open wide,
Your jaw was slack,
How I wished I could make time turn back,
So you wouldn't have to find out this way,
You turned for the door,
but I wanted you to stay.
As if reading my thoughts,
your hand on the knob,
You retreated toward me,
To do your job.
Tenderly, you turned over my wrist,
My heart fluttered,
As you gently kissed,
The crisscrossed scars tattooed on my skin,
Your lips to my pain, our journey begins.
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Canary word: Present
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140,836 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Good work my elf! (:
I like how it flows evenly.
Its not like mine where I have a diffucult
time rhyming and such. Its beautiful!
Love always,
Kat. =^..^=
I liked it, but to some it might be construed as superficial, only doing that to get attention. But i guess thats only an artificial message. It was very good though.
I really like this. I love poetry that rhymes, and you don't really see it much, and if you do it's not good. That said yours was amazing! I gave details of what happened, and what would happen in the future is left a mystery. I know how this feels so I can relate. Keep up the good work, pm me if you write anymore.
-Flower-
Well I'm officially sad! And I was having such a good day too!
I guess that is what you were looking for though...
This was exquisite! Beautiful! Magnificent! The rhythm flowed so well, and this just took my breath away completely. Just a few, if any, mistakes and comments I have.
♥ You didn't capitalize your I's.
♥ To me, it would look better if the words were posted like this:
The slit of a knife
The cold-tiled floor
My head jerked towards you
As you opened the door
♥☺ Well, i'm not sure myself about punctuations in poems so I'm in no way eligible to put punctuation in the above comment. Sorry. I'm sure someone more experienced with poems could tell you.
Well, other than those two things, I see no more. Goodbye and, once again, this was spectacular.
This was sweet. Good work Elfy!!!
-Cressy