Published June 26, 2012
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140,588 Literary Works • 673,542 Reviews
Hey Elfin!
I agree with Tommybear. Usually the issue of self harm annoys me, mainly the people who self harm just to seem like they're sad enough to self harm, or who cry all the time because they want a reason to cry.
There's something beautiful in this though. It shows a lot more than the general angst, but a deep feeling of separation that she, whoever she is, is feeling. It's sad, and it makes me want to hug her XD
"Can't see past the face..." This line throws me off a bit. It's long compared to the others and the rhythm is slightly out of place. Maybe a rephrase or another way of expressing it? Keep the first line though, I love that.
The last line caught me hanging on, too. I know what reality is, and what the knife is, but to put them either side by side in comparison, or physically next to eachother... I don't know what that means, but it's fun to contemplate on.
Overall I'd say this is short, sweet, and a twist out of the ordinary. Keep up the good work!
~Ten
Thanks
This was a really good poem. It's very dramatic, but really good. You described a very good point in your poem. Many people can relate to that feeling that occurs at least once in someones's life. My favorite line was " Reality lies beside the knife." I liked how you kept it short and meaningful. Great job on this poem and your powerful writing! Keep up the awesome work, I really enjoy reading your works!
Thank you
*warning this is going to sound cliche* I normally don't enjoy works discussing this topic, but this was an exception. It has point and fluency and it was well structured. Great job here!
Thanks!
Wow, is all I can say, I love it. It is short, but with so much meaning, and I can't tell you how many times I have felt in this position. I can strongly relate to this short but powerful message within the poem. My favorite line has to be "Reality lies beside the knife." I thought that this was such a chilling way to end the poem because it kind of brings you to the end, but the end is only the beginning. The knife is always going to be there to haunt you, just like deaeth. That is my perspective of it. The only thing I can advise is to maybe take your poem furthur and maybe turn it into a story. I believe that you are quite talented, and I would love to see you take this to another level
Mary Jane
Awww thank you!