Published March 5, 2011
Took longer than I expected, but it was worth the while.
The Meaning of Life
Trapped in this body, about to explode,
Gunna spread my soul throughout this world,
Without seconds thoughts, or even a doubt,
Flowing with the wind, and through every cloud.
Soaring high about building and towers.
Glaring down upon grass and flowers,
Experiencing life with seconds passing by,
Witnessing births and deaths as I start to cry.
Joyful moments sprout from under the ground,
Happy memories remembered, lost and found,
Tears shed, dried, and comforted,
Hearts loved, broken, and hated.
That’s the meaning of life,
Working through ease and strife,
There’s simply no other definition,
It’s every soul for itself, to its destination.
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142,215 Literary Works • 676,903 Reviews
Hey there. Here's a quick review.
No errors, except that the 'Gunna' (I personally prefer 'Gonna' though. But in this case, I'd suggest using 'Going to'.) kind of makes the whole stanza very informal. So, as I said in my brackets, I think 'Going to' would be better to use in this stanza.
I'd suggest changing 'about' in the first line to 'above'. And I don't think 'Glaring down' would be an appropriate phrase to use, unless you're angry with the grass and flowers? Doubt you are though.
'Joyful moments sprout out from under the ground'.
Don't really see the 'ease and strife' in the whole poem.
The 'ease and strife' points I gathered from this poem were:
1.
2.
3.
4.
Though I read this, I didn't feel any emotions. The words seemed a little empty.
I'd suggest editing the poem so that the 'Meaning of Life' is brought out more. Don't worry about your rhyming. Throw caution to the wind, and just let the words flow.
Keep writing!
This is an odd poem. I thought at some parts it was decent, but at others it just didn't seem right. To start
shouldn't really start the poem. It felt a bit to informal to me. I can see it is one of the cliche aha moments, but that is appropriate for a poem which deals with a theme of this magnitude.
Next, probably the best part of your poem was this:
And I didn't necessarily like that either. In my belief the meaning of life is relative and that gnaws at me that you say there is no other definition. If you were to say it were the meaning of life for you then I couldn't argue against it, but this is simply wrong.
Finally, your language overall here did not provide much imagery which threw itself at me and stuck in my mind. Most of what I saw were things which have been stated a thousand times over (no exaggeration) and they weren't that creatively written. Overall I would say you need heavy editing on this poem, or throw it out because for the title, even though it's a cliche, I would expect more in the poem given the overall theme.