Published December 27, 2010
Haunted by Ancient Shouts and Cries
I stared at the merciless monsters ahead,
And tightened the grip on my gun,
Then lifted it to pull the trigger,
As dust and haze blocked out the sun.
Vietnamese soldiers charged towards me
Instinctively, I tossed a grenade
Their limbs and organs spluttered everywhere
My ears deafened after the bang it made
Blood drenched my clothes,
Fear seized my heart,
Love hanged on in despair,
Pain pierced me like a dart.
I laid there clutching my chest,
Hoping I’ll live to see my wife,
My vision blurred and blackened,
I stayed there holding onto life.
I was rescued by U.S paramedics,
Before my soul drifted away,
But they never saved me entirely,
‘Cause my mind was still at bay.
Many called me crazy after the war,
Most just stared at me pathetically,
They had no idea what I’ve been through, though,
The scenes still haunt me constantly.
I lived life on the edge back home,
After seeing horrors with my own two eyes,
I pitied myself for years to come,
Haunted by ancient shouts and cries.
This was a something the school English teacher asked me to write about.. Feel free to review.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
142,057 Literary Works • 676,491 Reviews
Lol I liked it. I understood the last verse... many soldiers after coming home from the war are considered 'insane'. Most end up with PTSD and even more end up committing suicide... anyway! I like the constant rhythm, and how you kept with the theme while also keeping up with the rhyme. Very well done.
Rock on.
Keep writing
~~Ayden
Thanks for the small fix ups.. I appreciate it.
Dude *hugs* I love you! I must say I'm totally drawn by this poem! I'm a big military person and I love reading stories and poems of war and all that. I'm in the midst of writing my own apocalypse stories and poems right now, and a lot of them will have to do with war gone horribly wrong. Of course, however much I liked your poem, there were a few parts I felt I needed to point out:
I think sounds better here.I think if you added this the rhythm wouldn't break here.
Other than those two things, I still really liked this poem. I'm surprised your teacher had you write about something like this.
Woops lol, fixed it.
A very good poem. I think that it kinda seemed like the writing was a little desperate at times, especially at the end of the first stanza. Also, there were a couple places where you missed a space or so. At the end where you say that this is what your English teacher asked you to 'right' about, you use the wrong 'write'. Use the 'write' version.
Overall I liked it. I've never read a war poem before, and this was a nice first-time experience. Please keep writing and I'm sorry if my review is bad.