Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.
# Bloody Knocks
Higgledy Piggledy
Stoker’s Count Dracula
Lived his own make-believe
deep in his prey.
Came a knock at the door,
Unsatisfactory!
Groaning he got up to
see who's to slay.
# Beadly Doner
Phonerby Bonerby
Yale university
Virginboy fantasy,
Not just for grades.
Staring at boobs all day,
Heterosexual,
No control anymore
Till he got AIDS.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
HI
I can't start this review the way I normally do. Its just not that kind of poem(s). I really should pay more attention to the ratings.
Anyways, these were... good... I'm a teenage girl so I'm going to go ahead and ignore the second poem.
The first one (Bloody Knocks) was very good. I like the description and the underlying vampire plot that makes it funny. I have to say, though, I don't see the point of the first line. It doesn't really fit with the poem at all.
As to the second one... all I'm going to say is that you don't need to capitalize the first letter of all of these lines. It's not needed. since it's written like a broken up sentence. That's personal preference though, so you can ignore me.
I have to say, you did get a laugh out of me. Which is probably bad because I'm sitting in a quiet classroom while everyone else is retaking a test so...
Anyhow, good job and keep writing!
Sarah12
Try reading about 'double-dactyl poems' they have strict structures and rules, one being a nonsense first line :p
Oh okay. Thanks!
YO JERK.
IMMA DACTYL YOU ONE OF THESE DAYS.
but firstly,
A Review for Bloody Knocks:
I will be honest with you, but I don't fully understand this metaphor. I'm not even sure if it's a metaphor or if it's literally a Dracula feasting on one of his victims when he is rudely interrupted by a bloody knocker. Could it be something along the lines of being interrupted during coitus? That would be fun. "Well, someone knocked at the door, might as well suck them too." Done, threesome. Fun, isn't it?
Still, I find it funny how he seems unsatisfied with a person knocking at his door. Is he not looking forward to killing them? Or is he forced to pretend to be normal? In any case, a very interesting poem, but still too vague to warrant a deeper reading into in my opinion.
But I won't pretend that it isn't fun to find vampire innuendos.
A Quiet and Lonely Review For Beadly Doner (which is a stupid name that you should be ashamed of for [secretly loves with all of 15 year old teenage boy heart]):
This one was definitely more fun to read. I liked the last line especially, because tragic endings have always been my sort of thing, but it did come as a surprise since you described him as a "virginboy". Come now, how did he charm that poor librarian with his virginboy ways?
And while I'd like to say that the fact that he's in Yale University seems useless and preposterous, I actually quite enjoyed it. Just sort of contrasts the whole awkward situation with such a prestigious background. And your description of the boy and his antics were strangely enjoyable, even though I still stand on my stance that the virginboy might not get aids so quickly (God must've felt pernicious that day).
Your humble and openly ruthless servant,
--EM.