Death's Claim

Hey there, Toe. c: Euph here to review your poem, as you requested!

Let me just start off by saying that clearly your strongest talent is setting clear and vivid images for your readers, which is key in order to have us coiled around your finger, deeply enthralled in what you are telling us. I applaud your efforts on this.

I only have two very small critiques for you.

In the third stanza, you say 'Hate feasted on thawing hope as it burnt,'
I feel as though this is a bit of a mouthful, and should be broken up by perhaps changing it into something more like ..
"Hate feasted on thawing hope / The reminiscences burnt"

As for the last line of the fourth stanza, it is very strong and well worded, but a bit of a mouthful.. Again, perhaps you could try spacing out the lines into something more like..
"Curled up helplessly / Soul-deprived, home-sick howls."

I must say, my favorite line in the entire poem is "Constantly dabbing dry tears with wet towels". This line stuck to me.. hard.

Overall, it's a great poem, one of my favorites. This poem has truly great potential! I hope to be hearing more of your work in the upcoming future! Keep up the good work, kiddo. If you have any questions, feel free to either message me or post a comment upon my wall.
Sincerely yours,
Euph

Hey there, Toe.

First off, I love this so much I can't even express it. This is a truly stunning piece of work. Amazing job darling. It's dark, breath taking, and beautiful. It just has this mysterious tone about it that drew me in, I love it.

The only thing I have to say is some of your lines are either too choppy or too long for the stanza and it interrupts the reader making the flow get off track. Other than that it was wonderful.
Amazing job, keep writing!

~Cat

I liked this poem so much, you have no idea. That first line you wrote was brilliant, nicely done. I just love your wording and the emotion I get from reading this. You relayed your message well and I'm just personally into darker themes ^^

However, a main issue I found was that you weren't consitent with your rhyme sceme. Some of your stanzas had the first two lines rhyming, others rhymed the 1st & 3rd and the 2nd & 4th. It really interrupts the flow of your poem.

Other than that, I'd love to see more of your poetry. c:

Hey, Toe!

I just thought I'd get back into reviewing and saw that you didn't have one on this yet, so here I am.

Firstly, I'd like to say that this is a very nice piece. You have excellent diction and just an overall great way with words. I really like the second to last stanza. The imagery is outstanding.

When it comes down to editing, the only thing I feel I can say is that some of the lines sound awkward. They're either too long for the stanza or just stand out of place. For example, the first line in the second stanza. It just sounds off to me.

Other than that, I really like this. I look forward to seeing more from you.

~Rocky