dearest

Hi, Elbrie!

Is this one of those wonderful six-word stories based off a single word prompt? I suppose there isn't much to comment on here, but in case it is such a story, I shall say, I'm afraid that this doesn't tell much of a story. One of the more popular examples of the six-word story is "For sale: baby shoes, never worn." and that one is a pristine example because it tells the state of an object, and leaves room for us to infer things, like, why were the shoes never worn? did they belong to a baby who simply outgrew them, or a baby whose life was lost and never got the chance to wear them?

Your sentence, to be frank, is a fragment, dear, because it doesn't convey any other detail and leaves waaaay too much room for the imagination to fill in the blanks.

Anyhow, just my two cents,

June

I just liked this one like because it reminds me of some song lyrics that may or may not inspire you when you add more to this; "I know a girl who cries when she practices violin. 'Cause each note sounds so pure, it just cuts into her,And then the melody comes pouring out her eyes. Now to me, everything else, it just sounds like a lie." I just though I'd share that

(Sorry for posting this twice btw)
Hi there, elbrie ^-^ Happy Review day.... umm, I read the description and wanted to read, due to how good the story sounded, but. . . ?

"The sound of the violin playing."

That's it. . . . ?

*Confused*



Are you going to add more to it? It doesn't really seem like a poem, due to how short it is. The theme has a lot of potential, but where is it???
Anyhoo, I say this to everybody, but feel free to ask me to review anything at any time ^-^ I genuinely don’t mind. I also help with editing, it’s sort of my forte, so if you’re ever uncertain about your work or have over read a piece, you can have me examine it and I’ll do my best to give advice and whatnot.

Catnip~

Hi there, elbrie ^-^ Happy Review day.... umm, I read the description and wanted to read, due to how good the story sounded, but. . . ?

"The sound of the violin playing."

That's it. . . . ?


*Confused*

Catnip~

More description maybe like this, just an idea "As the sound of the violin came to a close, the young girl silently cried for her comatosed brother." This isn't exactly a story, just a sentence, stories have paragraphs, a plot, a climax and a conclusion. In the story summary you mentioned a brother but in the "story" he isn't mentioned, neither is the young girl. This needs much more to it. Good luck in the future when you decide to write more and I hope you have taken my advice and write a story with more then just one sentence

S.K

OK I think you need to make your thing biger.

good job.