Published January 4, 2011
Without you.
I dont want to see the morning sun.
I promise this to my vision.
Without you.
Walking is also painful.
I promise this to the lane.
Listen.
This is what my heart speaks thereto,
that my will to live is with you.
Without you.
I'm apart from my breath.
I promise this to the winds.
You are the place,
on which i have built my world,
and where will i go?
Without you.
You are my hope.
I live because of you.
And now without you.
I wont be able to cope.
All of my words are for you.
You are my sun and you are my dew.
Without you.
It doesn't even rain.
I promise this to the clouds.
When your hands are with mine.
Then the heart starts pumping high.
And when we are apart.
Everything becomes dry.
When you are close,
i have an existence.
And,
Without you
My world is filled with grievance.
Yes i'm addicted to you.
For me you are worship-able.
Without you.
My wishes don't come true.
I promise this to you.
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139,448 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
Wow, that was great! Like Rob said, it invoked raw emotion and was great to read. The structure was quite good and I don't really have critcism for this poem although I think very infrequently you missed out some commas and the way you typed in the lines felt a little disjointed at times, like putting "And" in its own line in the tenth little stanza. Other than that, excellent work!
I love how you conveyed so much emotion into this description of love. The poetry of this is simplistic, yet breathtaking, and your talent is awesome. The rhyming scheme, however, was a little abstract, but I liked it for that reason. Keep writing
Georgie x
What a wonderful declaration of love. It is pure raw emotion that you evoke. That is what makes the poem special and notable. Believe me that I really had to think what to write now.. but still haven't figured it out. It's just too honest and amazing to put in words.
All that I can say is to keep them coming.
*bows*