Published December 29, 2010
I am me
Do hell with people who call me dreamy
I'm gonna show them that dream is my reality
They will have to face there fatality
I am a man of my dreams
I control all as it seems
But i'm not the controller
I'm just the toller
The reality controls my dreams now
I have to mend it some how
Now i make myself a vow
Before NONE im gonna bow
Give me my dreams back
Or else you will feel a smack
My dream was the only thing i owned
and now i have been dethroned
The reality isn't meant for me
My life is haunted by a banshee
I have been massacred like on St.Valentine's
Like a earthquake inside a coal mine
I am awake
But my world is sound asleep
I accept my defeat
Because without my dream i am incomplete
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139,075 Literary Works • 672,404 Reviews
Hello there and welcome to YWS!
This was my favourite stanza.The thing that impressed me the most about this poem is the general idea. I thought it was very creative and I loved it.
However, you should punctuate your work. A comma or a full stop etc. says a lot in a poem, it can make a statement of it's own. Also, they depict emotion. If everything is just loosely written like in your poem, I don't know where to break and everything reads terribly. There is no flow or direction. If I overlook the punctuation problem, I would have to say that this poem lacks emotion. After I read it, I felt no change in my emotions what so ever. It was not believable.
Overall, interesting choice of topic. This was okay.
Keep writing and good luck!
Hello! To start, nice poem! I can feel the emotions behind it. The poem, overall, is nice, but you need to watch your punctuation and capitalization.
Also, some of the rhymes seemed a little forced. Nothing obviously not rhyming, but not quite naturaly flowing either.
I write poetry also, and I know how hard it can be sometimes to come up with rhymes.
Good job!
Sageleaf
I meant NONE and i have corrected it.... im sorry for the grammatical mistake.... and i appreciate your comment.... THANKS
i loved this piece and i could really see the passion behind it. i could really tell that you put your heart into what you were writing . even though great there was just one word that i was wondering about, by NON did you mean NONE or was NON your intention the whole time? oh! and the part when you you say "reality isn't meant for me", that pop out the most because that is exactly how i am. i love fantasy and dislike the real world for i know that it is a dreadful place so good job on that! last advice, when you are done with you paper, before you post it, try and reread it a could of times to catch grammar mistakes. other that that, i poem was great!