Published April 22, 2011
A masterpiece, crafted by
the hands of a prolific artist.
Every curve, every arch placed with grace.
Made, with no mistakes.
I am a masterpiece.
But not everyone will understand or embrace.
Some will walk by not taking even a glance.
Unable to see the beauty my artist placed in me.
Others will admire, stand awhile and stare.
But will be unable to truly appreciate
the completed work that they see.
Some will want to own me,
just to show off my artistry.
To be able to say they obtained a rare piece.
But never able to grasp
the meaning behind the work
that went into creating me.
But there will be ones
that gaze in amazement and admiration.
Unable to take their eyes off the art they see.
I will capture his soul,
speak to his heart and be placed at his side.
He will truly see the piece of work that is me.
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140,852 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
This is very, very good. I wish I could show this to every teenager in the world who thinks they're not worth anything. :] I love it. It seems exotic, rhythmic, and still captivating. very good.
Good job, I liked the description, it was like I was actually looking at it.
Wow, this is an awesome poem.
I saw no other problems other than the on I already pointed out above. The flow was wonderful and the whole poem fit very well together. Superb job
Keep writing,
Alzora
Hey Ehte. Scar here to review.
First off, I would reword this line; "Some will walk by not taking even a glance." Perhaps to "Some will walk by not even taking a glance". The 'not taking even' is kinda awkward. You see how it flows better as 'not even taking' ? Yes? Good.
Other than that. No other real nitpicks. Onto the good stuff. The flow was kind of awkward in the second stanza, but, as I pointed out, changing the wording makes it flow better. I found myself unconsciously doing so. Anyhow, this is a brilliant little poem. I liked the flow in the rest of it and the imagery you brought out. It's beautiful. Truly, it is. I adore it. *clicks 'like*
Thank you for the beautiful poem and the wonderful imagery. I'd love to see more. Remember, keep it up and never stop writing!
~Scar.
Loved the poem! (:
It has a great message. I also thought that the way you wrote it was very unique and creative. It's different than a lot of the other stuff on here, so great work with that. I also really loved how you ended it:
To me the last line was very powerful, especially since it is the only one that rhymns.
Overall, I loved this poem and I think more people should listen to the message behind it, even though it can be hard to at times (:
Hi ehte92!
You have a beautiful poem there with a message that the whole world should listen to: Everyone's unique and special, even though others might not see it.
Also, I have to kind of agree with wewinwelose, everyone have mistakes, it's inevitable and yet you state that there's not mistake in the masterpiece:
I think that instead of saying there is no mistakes maybe you can sort of make the mistake into a good thing or something like that.
I really like the metaphor in this poem. About those who want to own you: those who want to use you. And those that truly understand you: your friends. The metaphor is very well done, it's not too complex and it's very easy to spot. Great job on it!
I really like the poem as whole so it's earning a *like* from me.
I love it, its good, but you want it to be GREAT, and I here to tell just just how I think you could do that
Alright, so first I thought some lines were a little clumsy, for example:
I like the line, I like the idea, but this sentence is a fragment and lacks context. Try something similar like "But not one that everyone will understand or embrace." Also with this line, it goes great with the line above, I'd suggest a comma instead of a period before the but.
On another note, I dont really understand the whole no mistakes thing, because everyone makes mistakes, and its just unrealistic to think that there isnt a single thing that could be changed. Also,
But there will be ones You use "ones" here and "his" there. This is almost the equivalent of using past and present tense in the same paragraph. Don't do it. Stick to one or the other, use plural or singular but not both without establishing context. Instead you could put " there will be that one" or " I will capture their souls" but not both. It just doesn't work.
that gaze in amazement and admiration.
Unable to take their eyes off the art they see.
I will capture his soul,
speak to his heart and be placed at his side.
He will truly see the piece of work that is me.
Other than that my only critique is that the poem seems a bit conceited and unrealistic. Its good that this person has a good self esteem, but they seem to be saying "I am better than everyone else and everyone else wants to be me and stare at me and collect me and I am the center of the universe." I do not know if you meant to come across that way, but it does seem to sound extremely egotistical.
that's a big advice to every girl or boy, still hesitated about how beautiful and amazing she or he is. it touches the heart
Beautifully written , Simply a master piece......... i would love to quote from it???!! can i ?
Keep up, update us as soon as possible
Hi! I really loved this poem. The first stanza was my favorite - the flow was lovely. Here's just a small nitpick:)
- I really don't like this stanza: it's clumpy and forced.That's all. Just reword a little and this will be a masterpiece! Thanks!
~ Amelia