Even today, I can still smell the sweet cherry. It reminds me of a cherry tree, many years ago, in a place where I haven't been for a long time.
"Dad, what is this?"
"This is a cherry tree. It's now a new part of our family."
The day when I can go home has arrived. After being seven years in the military, today I could sit down in the bus that will bring me back to my hometown. I can't even remember how it looks, but I can finally see it today...if there is anything left from it.
"Please, stop it. Don't let the bombs, not there. Take everything from me and burn it down, but just let the cherry tree live. Please..."
My father went together with me. I wasn't eighteen, so we weren't in the same camp, but we fought together.
"We need to go. You must let go of him."
"No, no, no, I can't. He was my only hope."
He never came back.
"I am sorry..."
"Don't worry, it's not your fault."
I got a letter three years ago. It was crumbled and filled with tears. My mother wrote how she took her life because she couldn't live like this anymore. She said she loved me.
"Mom, why is everybody leaving?"
"Don't worry sweet heart, mom will always be there for you."
The bus was getting closer to my hometown. I could feel my heart skipping a beat. Looking through the window there was nothing to see, not even a tree.
"You must promise me that you will always protect your patrimony."
"Yes, father."
Why did the war even broke out? It seems I forgot what was I fighting for.
"You must come back!"
The bus stopped. I went out and touched the same, old ground of my hometown, I inspired the same air and felt the same wind which I haven't felt for seven, long years. I could smell the freedom.
"I am home."
"I am home" I said to the wind. There was nobody there to hear me. I started to walk the same path I would always walk to free myself from the real world. Before, there where many houses around it.
"Good morning."
Not even one was left. I continued to walk until I arrived to the place I was looking for. I closed my eyes and inspired the smell. It was the same like always, but when I opened the eyes, everything changed.
"When you come here, you will know that we are all together now. So don't feel sad, because we will never be apart."
I came closer and touched it crust. I couldn't hold it in me anymore. I lost the strength and fell down on my knees.
"I am sorry."
"I am sorry, father. I couldn't protect it. I am sorry, mom. I shouldn't have left you alone. I am sorry."
"Don't worry, it's not your fault."
While being on my knees and feeling like a child again, I could feel a hand on my shoulder. That day, I cried a lot by the sweet cherry tree.
My inspiration is the song "Obokuri Eeumi" by Ikue Asazaki. While trying to imagine a picture for this beautiful song, the words just came to me by themselves. Hope you like it.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Wow that was really nice. keep on writing good things this is a master piece. but why didn't you write the theme at the end? and it is somehow like a poem. but it is nice. and it looks like it is a fantasy and I think that you must concentrate weather this is a poem or a short story. But regardless it was really great and had lots of emotions.
I think this is very poetic. A lot of people, I think could benefit a lot from using sensory detail to make the reader feel like they're more a part of the story -- but you do this pretty well. I like the amount of meaning and strength in the story, and while it uses some emotion, I think you can still benefit from even more emotion.
But what emotions does this make him feel? It's easy for us readers to feel and connect with the narrator, but only if we feel like they're a human being.
Again, it's my only thing that I really want to point out since the person below me already mentioned the "inspire the air" thing. How can the narrator reflect on finding a suicide letter from their own mother, and just move on? I think even emotionally tough people would find trouble just getting over that -- have the narrator do something more to show that they're sad. You use a little bit of it, with "my heart skipping a beat", but I would like to see more.
Otherwise, this is really enjoyable, so nice job
A notable little memory, an enjoyable read. Before I go too deeply into matters, I ask you to take a little bit of attention to the somewhat innocuous personal annoyances below:
-"Don't let the bombs, not there." Don't let the bombs what? Blow up? Set off? Land? While this does show the setting quite well, it still does not fully explain the situation, and it comes off as a little awkward in a conversational perspective.
-""I am home"" End this dialogue with a comma or a period
-"Before, there where many houses around it." Were, not where.
-"I came closer and touched it crust." It's crust, you might've meant.
-"My inspiration is the song "Obokuri Eeumi" by Ikue Asazaki. While trying to imagine a picture for this beautiful song, the words just came to me by themselves. Hope you like it." Oh, I did. But in a review stance--you should probably consider putting "Authors Note" somewhere in the beginning of this sentence so that the readers don't confuse it for a part in the story.
Now, onto the nitty gritty:
While I thought this has much potential, I can't help but feel like it's a little empty because it doesn't discuss the details of the tragedy enough to let the readers feel swayed for the main characters. The readers (or at least my cold hearted self) cannot weep for the characters and their miseries if they are asking themselves "Why are they being separated? What war are they in? What happened to their father? Why is this person being allowed back to his home?" It does not mean that it is impossible to make a connection, but it's worth trying to fill the gaps so that the reader doesn't have to worry about those things.
However, the theme of the work was interesting enough to keep me reading; I've always been a fan for tragedies, subtle reminders, and flower symbolism of any sort, and all of these are rolled up into one good short story from the looks of it. I could see myself rereading this after a few edits and keeping it in my little library of notable short stories, as the portrayals of characters seem poignant and real--for now, though, it could always use a little work and love.
Signing out,
--EM.
Greetings,
This was a great piece of work. The idea of remembering a smell so strongly that to seek it out for the sake of a memory is a good inspiration to go off of. Glad to see that music can still inspire people today. I have started to loose faith in a lot of musicians from the modern era.
A few things to address.
You write, "Why did the war even broke out? It seems I forgot what was I fighting for." It shouldn't be "even broke", with it being paste tense is should be "even break".
"The bus stopped. I went out and touched the same, old ground of my hometown, I inspired the same air and felt the same wind which I haven't felt for seven, long years. I could smell the freedom." I am not sure how you can "inspire the same air". I believe that you meant inhale, as in to take a breath. I noticed this same typo again at "...I closed my eyes and inspired the smell. It was the same like always, but when I opened the eyes, everything changed."
Overall, this was a great story about loss and regret. The cherry tree was the main character's symbol for hope and to see it burnt and destroyed was too great for them. I would like to know a little more about the town that they had gone to. I realize that it is gone at the time of the story, but to know what it was like so that we all know what was lost, outside of the personal one's of the main character, would be good.
Thank you for sharing and I hope to see more from you,
Happy Writing!