Young Writers Society

Hey eednamoj!

Wow! This is a pretty griping prologue...it has a lot of drama in very little text.

It's really intriguing, and after reading this I really want to read the next chapter and figure out what is happening.

In this tiny prologue, you have incorporated a lot of graphic detail about the pretty disastrous day. I can just see the giant once-mighty castle crumbling to ashes. I love the line where you say:

The tall, beautiful castle of Marlon was nothing but ashes now.

No one could survive the natural disasters taking place across the country, not even those born of magic.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Fires blazing, taking down towers and houses in the distance. A thick black smoke was in the air, wafting over the rubble of the earthquakes. It had been twenty-one minutes since the last one, but now the ground was beginning to shake again.

Past the city walls, everything was drowned in the water that crashed through the trees only moments before. Everything was either in pieces, being blown to pieces, or about to be blown to pieces.

One foot in front of the other, and every step was agony. Not because he was in physical pain - no, it was emotional pain and it was unbearable.

The only light in this post-apocalyptic dominion...almost everyone was dead, and those who weren't, were short on their way. No one could survive the natural disasters taking place across the country, not even those born of magic.

The tall, beautiful castle of Marlon was nothing but ashes now.

The world was ending, and it was taking no survivors.

Hi!
Wow, this was a wonderful prologue!! It's very intreguing because the reader wants to know why these earthquakes are happening, who/what is causing them, why this city is set on fire and why the character is in emotional pain. I would definitely explain these questions in the story. I must say that I quite enjoyed reading this-it's very deep, and I can't wait to read the first chapter when you publish it!

It's off to an intense start. Great description, very graphic. However, I noticed a change in tense in the second line which had me confused for a moment. It feels like this is going to be a story with an action filled plot which will get readers excited!

I really like this piece of work and I really want to read more so I will try to keep up. I don't really see any errors or anything wrong with it. I kind of want to know why the world is on fire basically.I hope a lot more is explained in the future but this is a really good hooker. I wish you the best of luck with your piece and I will be following you and you have my best wishes for the future.

This was a good Prologue! I cannot wait to see what you have for the chapters! There is really nothing wrong with this. The start was really good and got my attention fast. As I started to read the text made me want to read more and more. And even after I was done reading it I an now wanting to know what happens! Keep up the good work! You have a knack for writing!