I want to touch the stars and bring back home their twinkle and not let anyone lay their hands on it.
I want to cocoon my body in the finest of rags to become and untouchable, unattainable ornament.
Yet I want my words to be a piece of my broken heart so that people see that even gold can tarnish.
I want the power of giving at my fingertips and the ability to have my breath knocked out by nature's majesty.
I want to dream of running through the fields out so loud that when I wake up I have to grab my legs to stop from moving.
I want words to spread that heavenly warmth through my body- one that only my heart can understand and my mind cannot fathom.
I want to be friends with my creator and to hold onto whatever He gives me so I can pull my way into heaven.
I want my tears to dry away in the wind but I want the wind to remember me by them.
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140,292 Literary Works • 673,076 Reviews
Hi there writer
I would like to say that if its a poem do write it in stanzas and not paragraphs.I like the imagery used by you and your sense of imagining and visualising objects is really good.
Kudos for that.
It would be more beautiful if it would be a bit longer.I am new here and pardon me if the review is not up to the mark. Keep writing so that I can review more of your works.See you then.
Love Urvika
Thank you so much! I actually copy pasted this little piece of writing and randomly put it under poetry so oopsie. You're opinion means the world to me so I am truly grateful for your review!
Love, Eman.
Hi there!
I really loved the imagery you used here, and I only have a few little things to point out.
First, this poem was a little hard to read because of the fact that it is in more of paragraphs instead of lines in stanzas. You use beautiful long sentences but that is not typically what flows the best when it comes to poetry. I would recommend revising this poem, keeping most of the meaning and illustrations, but putting them into smaller fluent lines.
There is also a time or two when I questioned the word choosing. Such as "finest of rags" which to me seems like an oxymoron because rags are your worst clothes that have holes and stains. I would suggest using silk or velvet- something you associate with wealth and indulgence. Also the "fields so loud" did not really make sense to me. What is loud about this dream? There may be a meaning there I am not getting, but perhaps you would describe the dream as vivid or real.
Other than a few technical things I really loved this poem and look forward to reading more of your work. Hope this helped; keep writing!
Thank you so much! You're critique means the world to me, honestly. It really did help and I agree with all that you have to say a hundred percent!
Love, Eman. <3
An awesome piece of poetry ! I could create images in my mind and it made me feel something ! I wish it were longer, though !
Longer yes I shall keep that in mind hahah! Thank you so much! <3
The material that you are using in this poem is quite good. I love how you weave your topic making it universally appealing. However I have some issue about the form of this "poem". It is so prosaic and I even can't consider this as a narrative poetry. Suggestion: try to rewrite this, focus on one single metaphor and avoid long sentences. Do away with unnecessary words which makes this so wordy for a poem. I sense some potential in this work. Looking forward to read from you more.
Thank you so much! This is really helpful yes I will keep all of this in mind! Please do keep providing me with more valuable reviews
<3
The material that you are using in this poem is quite good. I love how you weave your topic making it universally appealing. However I have some issue about the form of this "poem". It is so prosaic and I even can't consider this as a narrative poetry. Suggestion: try to rewrite this, focus on one single metaphor and avoid long sentences. Do away with unnecessary words which makes this so wordy for a poem. I sense some potential in this work. Looking forward to read from you more.