Published November 22, 2009
I travel this winding road,
It takes me far and deep,
through pain,
suffering,
sorrow,
sadness.
It takes me far into its depth, its underworld,
I sometimes feel loneliness,
empty,
rejected,
disconnected.
But I stay alive, because of this light,
I see it coming closer,
towards me,
lending a hand,
giving me happiness,
bliss,
ecstasy,
joy.
And I finally meet it,
and it takes me away from this road,
I gaze at it,
and find,
the light, the hope, is really...
you.
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Canary word: Present
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139,752 Literary Works • 672,695 Reviews
Oh my god! I loved it!
This poem hit me hard... And made me want to cry.
You're gifted and never, ever let any one tell you other wise!
Keep going!
Hi,
Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here.
This progresses nicely. There is a clear beginning, middle and end, and the rhythm is consistent and effective.
Rather than listing the emotions of the speaker, I'd suggest them through imagery.Use specific phrases to describe how the speaker looks/acts as they experience these emotions without stating directly what they are.
What I find helpful when I'm editing my own poetry is to go through it with a pen and cross out any lines or phrases which sound like something I've read or heard somewhere before. Here, I'd take, for example, the idea of the speaker travelling along a road, and there being a guiding light at the end of the tunnel. Is there any way you can express this through specific imagery, grounded in the every-day, which would be more unique to your speaker?
Finally, just to let you know, there's a three to one ratio here for reviewing, which means for every piece of writing that you post, you should review three pieces.
Hope this helps.
Jas
Oh my goodness! That was so beautiful in the end! I love it so much! You're a born poet. Keep writing!
Gosh, this just went straight to my heart (over-emotional.) It was just very beautiful and I think everyone can rely to it - at least I did.
Do you have more poems? (goes hunting...) If not I'll wait for more to come, great, lovely work