Young Writers Society

Hey Dustybutton!! Welcome to YWS.
First off let me introduce you to some stuff on this site that you will find useful.
Contact And Staff:
contact.php

Rules And Guides:
rules.php

Please, Please make sure you go through them It is extremely important you know all the rules before you start posting around YWS.

For Answered Questions:
faq.php

Now to your story.
First thing I noticed was that you haven't capitalized properly. Please go back and correct you 'i's and the first letter in your sentences.

I put in bold everything that I have added.
Anything with a strike through means you need to take it out.
And everything in Italics..is just my comment.
And note how I've spaced out everything.

Chapter One

One mistake can change everything. One minute I believe my friend would never lie to me, the next, I think she's the worst friend ever.
She swears she didn't mean it, but I choose not to listen.

"Seriously Maddy, it's not that big of a deal." she says.

"Seriously Cass, you know how mad I get when people lie to me!" I argue.

"Come on[s]e[/s] Maddy, it wasn't that big of a lie."
"Oh yeah, telling me my boyfriend wasn't cheating on me, when he was [s]by the way[/s], isn't that big of a lie." I say sarcastically. (you need to tell us you are been sarcastic. You are right?)

I headed (You justed changed the tense. Not a good idea to change tenses like that. Stick to one tense.) to my locker, ignoring Cass' pleading [s]stare.[/s] you wouldn't really describe someone pleading, as staring. Get rid of the 'stare' and add another word in its place.

"Please don't do this Maddy, you know I didn't mean for you to get hurt."
"You should have thought about that before you lied."

I gave one more look at her before walking away, and I knew that she would hate me for not forgiving her, but what else can I do? I hate it when people lie to me. I'm more into the truth than crap like that.

I just hope that she realizes.........never mind.

I'm just going to pretend this never happened. Maybe I'll forgive her in a few weeks. Who knows? I just hope no one ever lies to me again.

Lying is a sin, and I just can't handle [s]nothing[/s] anything but the honest truth (Just a thought, being truthful is part of honesty. Do really need to write HONEST truth? I think we can do without the 'honest'). I mean when I lie, that's a different story, but when people do it to me, it hurts somewhat.
(It's nice to space out your writing when posting up here. It's easier for the reader.)
I trusted Cass when she told me Jade wasn't cheating on me, but you know what? I had to find out the cold hard truth on my own, and I did not like it.