They call him Eric Dunn, but what’s in a name?
Sometimes the blameless must shoulder the blame,
Derived from Eirikr, meaning “one” or “alone”,
“Eternal” or “princely”, awaiting the throne.
-
On the day of his birth, trees sway and stars glimmer,
Piercing the skies, growing dimmer and dimmer,
Vespiform visions have blackened his nights;
Moulding his conscience in the absence of light.
-
A vibrant spirit – primal; atavistic – but blessed,
To this, the very Gods will attest,
Eric is the fire that devours your heart,
And Dunn the cool ocean, prising it apart.
-
The drooling plebeians bay for the lyrical prose,
Of his earthly incarnation in it’s final death throes,
“Pour into me your malice, your hatred and scorn”
Begged Eric selflessly, as he was reborn.
-
Emerging once more from his golden bassinet,
Halfway to heaven – but he wasn’t there yet,
He let out a splutter, then he held out his hand,
An upturned palm of remission, from the sea to the land.
-
“Forgive us” he cried, looking up to the skies,
Tears streaked down his cheeks as he began the reprise;
“The problems we face – the killing, the slaughter –
I implore you to stop – you really oughtta!”
-
A moments silence greeted these desperate words,
Then suddenly – and I know this will sound absurd –
The heavens split open, divine light beamed down,
And glinted magnificently off the base of his crown.
-
“Eric” bellowed a disembodied voice from above,
The cadence celestial, tenor bursting with love,
“Your wish has been granted, the people are free,
Now do us a favour, get up off your knees”
-
“You sweet, majestic, amazing young man,
We have a suggestion – not a part of your plan –
But how would you feel about becoming a God?
The hours are great, become one of the squad!”
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,826 Reviews
Hi ducksyonthemoon! I love that you wrote a poem as a birthday present for a friend, so I'm more than happy to give you my two cents:
So, thank you for that!
Just like any other fellow writer, I appreciate the first line alluding to Romeo and Juliet.
I love that you included the literal derivation of the name 'Eric' and what it commonly translates as. Maybe include a stanza saying what he truly is, in contrast (or in similarity) to what it translates as; I feel like that would make the poem more personal.
The imagery in the second stanza is incredible, as well as in the third stanza. I love the consistency of the rhyme scheme because it makes the whole poem sound so lyrical and beautiful.
I love love LOVE the ending of this! It's humorous, yet so complimentary! Using 'squad' also gives the entire poem the more modern feel of today.
I'm sure Eric loved this poem, because I did and it's not even for me!
-unluminescent
Okay this is the best poem I've read so far today. You are beautifully descriptive and I'm sure Eric was very happy. I'm sure you were hyperbolizing a lot but that's what made it fun. The ending was great and funny. You taught me something knew with those definitions a=in the first stanza which was great. Is Eric Irish? Anyways, overall the poem was great and very thoughtful and heartfelt. You're a great friend for writing this.
~Viv, out.
You did really well with this. I appreciate the fact that you managed to keep up a rhyme scheme throughout the poem and you also managed to make it flow so nicely!
It was lyrical and could easily follow a little beat in my mind. I could snap to it and read it at the same time, you know.
I found it funny at the end with the heavens opening up to him to tell that his wishes were granted. It sounded really nice and was easy to say, I appreciate the work you put into this.
This is a great birthday gift, I'd certainly be excited to receive this.
Sorry I don't have much to critique on, this poem is great!
~Gladdy
Hello!
Blaspherica here for a review!
This is a lovely poem and from a point of view, this seems to be about a birthday of a friend of yours. I enjoyed the little rhyming you had in this poem as it shaped the itself as a whole and the little meanings. It seems to be like a narrative poem than any other poem I've read before, and mostly, I cannot do narrative poems. Anyway onwards to the review!
This is a lovely way to begin a poem, yes, but it doesn't seem to grab the reader. Even though it has lovely rhyming and you give the meaning behind Eric, I think the reader shouldn't know it. It doesn't have a meaning or a thought, and doesn't seem to convey the total theme. What I suggest for this stanza/chuck would be this:
Even though this is a lovely chuck, it doesn't seem to make that much sense in terms of wording. To me it seems to be like an attempt of Old English and isn't executed properly. Try re-reading what you have here and think about it more in a sense of Modern English.
Overall, this was a lovely poem. I enjoy the rhyming and imgery throughout here. I hope to read more of you work in time's coming and don't forget to re-read over yoru work
Blassie
I can't believe you got all of this to rhyme! Great poem, loved the bit where you said "Eric is the fire that devours your heart, And Dunn the cool ocean, prising it apart."
I love this...