My Writing Piece part 2 (not poetry)

CHAPTER 2

The crowd is screaming. We’ve finished are last song. Darren takes the microphone and screams to an audience of 20 000

“Thank you so much New York!! You are our last stop on our first world tour and you are by far the best!!” while he’s screaming at the audience I scan at first 10 rows looking for a certain red haired girl….but I cant find her.

“We cannot wait come back and play for you New York!!”

She’s not here.

“We are Darren…”

She didn’t come.

“….Terry….”

Kalisha is not here.

“…..Corey….”

My girlfriend is not here at our first world tour.

“…and Logan!! We are gonna make the biggest record deal in history and we will see you soon!!

We walk of stage and go around back. But I run into the crowd. I’m fighting my way through it trying to find my girlfriend. I’m screaming Kalisha’s name and then….I see her! She’s about 5 rows away! I try to push my way through to get to her but the force of 50 people is holding me back. She sees me, she looks at me for a moment and then turns around and walks away. I scream for her to come back but she keeps on walking. And now I’ve lost her in a sea of people swimming all around me…..and then I wake up.

I lay in bed for a while. It was all a dream. My band hasn’t gone on a tour and Kalisha is still my girlfriend. My heart won’t stop beating. My face is cold with sweat. It was just a dream. It was just a dream. slowly my heart begins to turn back to its normal rate. I look at my watch. Holy crap! I’m late for work at my dads shop! I quickly crank Nickelback on my stereo and get my clothes out of my wardrobe. ‘Believe it or not everyone have things that they hide. Believe it or not everyone keeps those things inside’ I hear in the back round as I fling my clothes on. Nickelback really are my all time favourite band. Almost every time I’m in my room I always have to blast them as loud as I can. No matter how long I’m in my room for, I need to hear some real rock music. Every time I hear it its like im saying to what ever is bothering me ‘yeah well screw you!’ I grab my keys and mp3 player and go. Luckily the shop is only a few blocks from where our flat is. I’m there in about five minutes. I hear the little clink as a I walk in the door. I see my dad moving a bass to the other side of the shop.

“Sorry I’m late dad. My alarm didn’t go off”

“Ah don’t worry about it. It’s been quite slow here for a while.”

“Ah right. So no big sales then?”

“Actually someone bought the full pearl drum kit yesterday when you were at Kalisha’s. Oh!! Speakin of which, how’d it go at Kalisha’s last night? Did they try to drive stake through your heart or something?”

“Not very well at all actually. They don’t think I’m good enough for her. They says awful things about me, my band and you….”

“Hey wait a sec! What did they say about me?” he asked

“They said stuff like because you’re associated with music means that you must be on drugs etc.”

“They did, did they?” he says keeping a calm face.

“Yeah they did.”

“Well there’s an adult and proper way to deal with this you know Logan.”

“Is there? What?”

“A crowbar is always the answer! A good crack on the head could do the trick and maybe a few kicks in the…”

“Dad!!” I say in a fake warning voice.

That’s always how it’s been with me and my dad. I’ve got to keep him under control. Ha! Like he’s the son and I’m the dad!

“What about Kalisha?” he asked “ did she just sit there and let them attack you?”

“Nah they waited until she went to the bathroom before they opened fire.” I replied

“Bummer. Well I was gonna save this for later but you look like you need it now.” He says

“What?” I ask. He pulls out a CD from his pocket.

“No way!! You got the new one!” I exclaim. It was the latest Nickelback album.

“Yep.”

“Can I put it on?”

“Sure. Just not that loud. Have it playing in the background” he says.

“Yeah! I’ve been trying to find this. Where’d you get it?” I ask.

“At the new store across the street.”

“Oh it’s opened already?”

“Yeah. I thought it was gonna open a lot later but then I saw people going in and comin’ out with stuff so I checked it out. Hey, Heads up, Customer.”

I see a kid come in the store. He looks about 13.

“Hey, there. Can I help you?” I ask.

“Um yeah.” He looks around the store. “I need some 7a Ludwig drumsticks. Do you have any left?”

“Hold on a sec.” I walk over to the stick section to look for them. Eventually, I find the sticks. They were the only ones on the shelf.

“You’re lucky. These are our last pair in the whole shop.” I say handing him the sticks.

“See if they feel right.” I say. He spins both sticks in his hand, one after the other for about 10 seconds.

“Yeah they feel about right” he responds.

“Cool. How long you been playing?” I ask

“About 2 years.”

“Are you in a band?”

“Nope but I’m on my way to an audition for one. I was just heading there now when my sticks broke. I’m really exited about it!” he says.

“Oh, good luck man! Anyway, it’s $2.00 please.” He hands me the money and examines the sticks.

“Hey if you wanna practise, there’s an electronic drum kit round back.” I suggest.

“Thanks but I gotta run.” He says.

“Hey kid. What’s your name?” I ask.

“Alex.”

“OK. Come again Alex.” I say as he walks out. ‘nice kid’ I think. I look at my watch. Its almost time for band practise. Even as I’m looking up I see Darren with his guitar coming in the shop.

“Hey Dude. What’s up?” I say as he walks in.

“Not much. Am I late?” he asks.

“Nope, Right on time. How’s it going with Loraine.”

“Great, Great. She’s doing great. Oh, hey! How’d it go with Kalisha yesterday?”

“ohh! Not good, they says awful things and attacked me about my life and my band etc. I fill you in on the details later.”

I see Terry and Corey coming in with their gear.

Comments & reviews · 6
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User avatar
piepiemann22
Comment

I like it. the only thing is you could have ended the chapter a little better in my oppinion. Other then that, keep going.

User avatar
Incandescence
Comment

drummerboyb -


Moved.

Writing in a Fiction topic is the same as writing in Poetry forums. Click the appropriate forum, and start a new thread.


Thanks,
Brad

User avatar
Esmé
Comment

Uhm... I have no idea how to help you out here (to move this, i mean). -Maybe you should catch a moderator?

Anyways, as to writing in fiction: You have the 'jump to' button next to post, don't you? Well, just go to fiction and post there.

User avatar
Esmé
Review
Esmé wrote a review · Sat Jan 06, 2007 6:37 pm

Quote:
while he’s screaming at the audience I scan at first 10 rows looking for a certain red haired girl….but I cant find her.
‘While’ should be capital. ‘I scan THE (…)’

Quote:
“We cannot wait come back and play for you New York!!”
I think you swallowed ‘to’

Quote:
We walk of stage and go around back.
The above.. You swallowed something.

Quote:
I’m fighting my way through it trying to find my girlfriend.
Add a comma, I don’t know. Change the sentence a bit… rewrite it?

Quote:
slowly my heart begins to turn back to its normal rate.
Capital.

Quote:
“Sorry I’m late dad
Comma after ‘late’.

Okay, so that's it. i can't say that the story was terribly interesting. In fact, it bored me (no offence). Maybe its just not my type...

Random avatar
drummerboyb
Comment

i dont know how to write in the non-poetry section! (sorry. im new here.)


but please tell me tell me! what did you think of it as a story

User avatar
Esmé
Comment

If it's not poetry then why is it in the poetry section? Fiction woukd be better, I think...



more fish is always superior to less fish
— Shady