z

Young Writers Society



really

by copgraveyard


Hide your heed,

hide what you're feeling,

know what you're feeling,

become confident in what you're feeling

take a step back,

and realize that all of it is false.

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498 Reviews

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Thu Oct 01, 2015 3:04 am
Que wrote a review...



Hello again, dropout!

So. This is pretty interesting, and a bit confusing as well. I would perhaps switch "know what you're feeling / become confident in what you're feeling" with "hide your head / hide what you're feeling" because that seems to make more sense. You need to know what you're feeling and have confidence, BUT you have to hide it. (You may want to have something like a but in there too.)

The ending is pretty striking- you've sorted out all your feelings and now you realise that they are fake? It makes you think, and I like it. You may want to create more of a separation: eg., having a period after the first four lines and add another line with one word like "now". If you wanted to do that, I think it would really wmphasize the contrast.

Nice work!

-Falco




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175 Reviews

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Wed Sep 23, 2015 12:03 am
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Harker wrote a review...



This is so short. I'm sorry--I'm quite sick now, though. :(
Hey there, dropout212! In this review, I want to talk about two things.

Part One! One Specific Idea:

Okay. Here's one random nitpick that you might find interesting and/or helpful:

Hide your heed,


This is awkward in that it is /technically correct/, but it's phrased weirdly. "Heed" does mean 'careful attention', you're right about that--however, it's normally used in a different context, specifically, phrases like "pay heed" or "pay no heed". See what I mean? Being literally correct does not always make you stylistically correct.

Anyway! Onto:

Part Two - Content:

I have to warn you: this section is going to be harsh. I just ask that you give me your attention temporarily and listen to what I have to say.

Okay! Now that that's said, let's do this.

I find this whole poem to be quite un-engaging as a reader. To me, you haven't provided any new concepts or ideas for me or the audience. Not all poems have to be image-driven, but in this modern world, the ones that aren't have to have at least some novel concepts for us to engage and grapple with. And I just felt like the poem lacked those concepts--and language that would introduce those concepts. None of the words you used really grabbed me as a reader. It felt like the narrator wasn't putting his or her full effort into the piece. Not that /you/ weren't putting your full effort, but that the little voice in our head that reads these things wasn't putting its full effort into it. See what I mean? Probably not: I'm ranting. ;)

Anyhow: a summary. You should work on (a) choosing your language carefully. The right words can go a long way. (B) Thinking about the big picture content of your poem. If it's not an image-driven poem, that's fine, but compensate for that! Go the extra mile and present some beautiful ideas. And, finally, (C) don't forget to be awesome.

IronSpark




copgraveyard says...


All lies.



copgraveyard says...


too negative @Stegosaurus



Harker says...


Let me start by saying that I apologize if you didn't find my review helpful or relevant. But you need to know that your reaction to it was juvenile and dismissive. You post works on this site to create a dialogue: a constructive, important dialogue. By attacking me so personally, you're closing that dialogue and not only disrespecting me as a reviewer, but the entire concept of constructive criticism. Replying to my work is fine! In fact, it's encouraged. But by making such dismissive remarks, you're disrespecting everything we as literary reviewers stand for.

Think about your words.



copgraveyard says...


That was hypocritical.



copgraveyard says...


I apologize, sorry, but I never was attacking you personally. It felt like an attack to me, with that reply. I usually get the same comments on my reviews, and seeing you're highly respected, I just don't get the inequality.



Harker says...


I don't really understand what you mean about "inequality". What inequality? I provided feedback. If you were uncomfortable with that feedback, tell me. But in a mature and respectable way.



copgraveyard says...


No. Actually, no. You refuse to be mature and respectable, more so condescending. I often get told that I'm too negative, everybody tells me that. When I fire back, they say it isn't okay. When you fire back, oh no, I have to give in.

Really?



copgraveyard says...


No? Great way of manning up.



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109 Reviews

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Tue Sep 22, 2015 8:56 pm
GLaDOS wrote a review...



I liked that this gave me a feeling of hope, then completely shot me down. The only thing you forgot to do was add another comma after

become confident in what you're feeling


Scratch that, I would also take out
Hide your heed,

Heed is a verb, therefore you should've either put "Hide your heeding" or reword that line, or just take it out. Your decision, eh?

But I like this poem, although it was so short and simple. You also used the word "hide" twice, which is a bit repetitive. It would be better to use a different word, since you are using a different word every line. Using the word "hide" twice in two different lines would be fine if you are purposely repeating "hide." Maybe that's just me!

But nice work, overall. This concept is very simple with hope being shot down, but I like it. Simple but relatable is always good.

✖︎




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97 Reviews

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Tue Sep 22, 2015 1:44 pm
acm says...



Though this poem was short, the rhythm was very nice and it flowed very well even without a rhyme. I liked line five where it caught your attention by going back shorter than the rest. There is really nothing I would change about it at all. It had good words and I didn't stumble over anything. Great job!




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28 Reviews

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Tue Sep 22, 2015 3:32 am
Hippyhoodrat wrote a review...



Definitely something I really enjoyed about this poem. I liked the overall structure of it. I think it made it easier to read or at the very least, that much more inviting...it's short and simple but I think it gets the point across. Unlike other short poems that I feel seem unfinished, I like the way this ended and I think it says everything it needs to, despite length. I like the bold snack in the middle of the poem as well. Serves well to emphasize that peice and I thought it fit in rather nicely. My favorite part was the second half. I loved the comparison and choice of words. Definitely was the deciding factor on whether I liked or loved this poem. Very nice job.





Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
— Pablo Neruda