Young Writers Society

Hello! I'd love to give you a review today- I think I will!!

I enjoy works like this, where I get to think about the questions and concerns kinda being brought up and sorta give my opinion as well in a way (so I apologise now if I start rambling about one thing or another).

First, I'd like to say that I agree with Dragonthorn: this isn't really an essay. I feel like this would fit better under the Art or Other section a little better! Because in essays, it's less about asking questions, and more about trying to answer them with facts backed up by other, reliable sources.

all you can say is “I’m too tired!” as your chastised for being lazy and letting your life become filthy.

Man, I feel this so much. You should see my apartment! Anytime anyone wants to come over, I panic because it's such a mess, and I don't want them to see how much of a failure I am at "being an adult". Recently I watched a youtube video/podcast by a therapist (I think that's what she is) and she talked about this as well, this thing where we beat ourselves up for not "doing enough" etc. Anyway, since then I've been trying to be kinder to myself in that regard- and amazingly, I'm happier and the house is actually cleaner than usual! My point is, yeah I agree and think it's odd that we get reworded for accomplishing things, and completing tasks and doing things right and keeping things clean-- basically, we get reworded for trying to fit in with everyone else, and society's idea of the "right" way to live and conduct our lives... and it's just kind of exhausting and doesn't really do us any good-- it especially doesn't do us any good to beat ourselves up about it. And we should be more willing to build people up, rather than judging each other.

I feel like the questions/paragraphs are a little disconnected in a way that makes it hard to tell what the point of the piece is. Like, it's a collection of questions, for sure, but I feel like they're not really connected enough to make me go "Ohhh, this is trying to convey this message". I suppose, the message is probably "society is pretty messed up these days" but I still feel like you'd get a better/bigger reaction/connection with the reader if you have the questions be more related to each other... working towards a specific message that you wish to convey. Otherwise it kinda feels like we're jumping around a lot!

I have to say, the very last paragraph I found rather confusing. I feel like the message there is not really clear. I sorta know the subject matter that's being used in it, but it's not put together in a way that makes it easy to understand what's being said there. My advice is to read it out loud and see if it can be worded a bit more clearer.

Anyway, I hope this helps a little! Thank you for writing this, as I love thinking about these sort of things. Keep it up!

-Holysocks

Greetings! I'm Thorn and I'll be reviewing for you today.

This really isn't an essay. Well, it could be considered one if you try hard enough, but it's more a trail of thoughts. Not exactly a topic most would choose for their essay, but it works in a strange way. It most definitely shows a meaning, and meaning is quite powerful for literally anything in literature as a base.

Why is it that you are showered with praise of your accomplishments, told that you are such a good human but when you finally burn out you see that the dependence you grew to love is thrust upon you and all you can say is “I’m too tired!” as your chastised for being lazy and letting your life become filthy.

Long run on sentence. Break it up because all that is just too clunky. Oh lordy, it is so hard to read through. The ending punctuation mark is also incorrect if you begin with a word that usually is considered a question, so instead of a period it should be a question mark. If you are asking a question, place a question mark. 'Why' is used in questions.

There is only the wondering of how hard tomorrow will be and why nobody will do anything about the hell he’s in when all he needs to is ask for “Help”.

The 'help' in this should not be capital as it is at the end of a sentence, not the beginning. Look at my last sentence as I used it correctly there, so use that to help if you are confused in whatever way.

Why can nobody look at another and remember that the Pearson they see is not a cog in a machine but an individual, an individual who’s life is not understood by one signal person save god himself.

Who's Pearson? I don't think you meant that as a name. I think what you were going for was 'person' instead.

A lot of errors in here, so I'd suggest to look over your writing before posting because it helps the reviewer and it will most likely help you too. A proofreading site could also help, but those do cost money; They are more trustworthy though. Practice helps so much, so keep along on your writing journey.

Catch you later.