Untitled as of now

I appreciate your comment, but as I said before this was something I started but never finished. So when it ends odd to you that's because I never finished it...so of course it's going to be abrupt..I ran out of things to say with this story.

Hello. I am Masque and I shall be reviewing your story today.

#008000 ">Green= My comments
#FF0000 ">Red= Edits
#800080 ">Purple= This sounds awkward.

King Iroham sits upon his throne, #008000 ">I would change the comma to a dash. his throne which is placed in the town of Rukka. He rests and ponders and periodically he judges those who break his laws. The previous weeks were very dreadful for the king. A thief had stolen from his treasury, an alarming,#008000 "><this comma is not neccessary eight times#FF0000 ">, prompting the king to move the treasury to a new location, of #008000 "><I feel like the "of" disrupts the flow of the sentence. I would take it out. which is to be kept secret. Today the king is again resting and pondering, except now he’s pondering the question “Who could possibly be doing all of this thievery?” Just then, there came a commotion across the way in the hallway. #008000 "><In this sentence you switched to past tense again, yet the next sentence is in the present. Also, I would consider rewording this to leave out "Just then". You could say "at this moment" and that might be better, or you could think of something else. Two guards are dragging a man by his arms; the man is yelling “I did no wrong, let go of me, ye have no proof!”

The guards place the man before the king, right before his throne. King Iroham looks down at where the two guards and the man they were dragging are. #008000 ">I would take out "they were dragging". It's apparent who you are talking about without it. In fact, you could just change it to "King Iroham looks down at the two guards and the man" and that would sound just fine too. “What reason have ye disturbed my wondering demeanor?!” One of the guards stepped forward #008000 ">This should be a new paragraph. “A thousand pardons, O King. This man…this man has stolen from thou riches.” The king looks at the man in question “What say ye of these charges?” The man quickly replies “I have stolen nothing. I dare not steal from someone of such high statute. They… ah!” The second guard struck the man in the back of the head. “Do not thrash unless I command thee to!” The king yelled at the guard who had smote the man on the back of his head. “Please forgive me, sire. But this man we did catch by your treasury, and a passing maid did convey to us that she had seen this man wondering about your treasury for the space of three nights” The king looked at the man in question, “What say ye of this now, thief?” The man looked at the king “Your highness, the harlot they speak of is a caster. She casteth blame on anyone but herself. How do they know that she isn’t the thief, that I am perceived to be? How do they know that she does not cast her finger at one to take the fall, of a crime that she has committed herself?” The king placed his right hand on his chin#FF0000 ">. “So be it. Guards#FF0000 ">, check this maid’s dormitory. As for this man, lock him up,#008000 "><You don't need this comma. until you are further notified.” Both guards lifted up the man#FF0000 ">. “Yes, your highness!”

The #FF0000 ">guards came to the young maid’s dormitory and searched everywhere within her area of living, #800080 ">but found nothing incriminating that would show her to be the thief. #008000 "><The latter half of this sentence is awkward. It sounds like you're trying to sound all old-englishy and eloquent, but it comes off as awkward. The Guards#008000 "><Okay, are you capitalizing "guards" on purpose? Because normally it would be, but I've seen it like that several times. came to the king empty handed. “So…?” the king looks down at the Guards, “…the maid shows no evidence of thievery, does she?” One of the Guards spoke up to the king’s question “No sir, there were no indications of thievery that was out of your treasury, sir.”#008000 "><What do you mean "that was out of your treasury"? This almost makes it sound like there were signs of thievery from somewhere else. “Have you searched the man’s dwelling?” The king then asked. “No sir, we have not.” “Check it, then come back when you are done, as to tell me what you find or what you don’t find. Either way come back to me.” The Guards replie#FF0000 ">s, “Yes, your highness, we will go” King Iroham, then places both hands, so that only the fingertips of his fingers are touching each other, and then quietly speaks to himself, “So, it looks like I have the thief who has been robbing me. Oh what a great day it is, today. He will surely pay dearly for the stress he has hovered over me.”