Solace is my goal
But solitude has its hold
Disease mind is mine
But here I say that I’m fine
If I could change who I was
Then you would bitch not because…
I wouldn’t be so fucked up
I wouldn’t be so deranged
I wouldn't of been locked up
I wouldn’t be so damaged
You think you know me based on what I’ve done
You think not of the bullshit that you’ve done
You fucked me up
As I fucked myself up
Our love’s wrist is slit
And losing blood bit by bit
We lose consciousness
This pumped out blood’s such a mess
If I could change who I was
Then you would bitch not because…
I fucked you up
As you fucked me up
You fucked me up
As I fucked myself up
This can’t end
Why must it end?
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
i agree with Esthar , the reader or the listener...... need to feel the emotions more than consistent curses.
:D:D
you should add something more in the end a verse. to complete the meaning....
i saw your reviews and you have a good sense to words, keep up
Personally I like it. I understand the contradiction at the end. By human nature we're all so...naive, is it?... that we come to enjoy pain and problems. We still act like we hate them, but we really enjoy it--that is the "bitching" and complaining, the fighting and struggling. It's a perpetual cycle that becomes our own fault in the end.
Overall, I enjoyed it. Sincere it seamed.
A song I suggest: @!#?@! (Extremely Explicit in Language terms...)
Maybe some inspiration there. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yw0MrOkN ... re=related
In truth, I find it a very good and meaningful song.
--Keep Writing
---Hopefully I'll get to review some of your other things!
--Skis
Hey dregymayfield! Pleasure to meet you. I am Esther, and I will be reviewing your lyrics today.
Overall: Well, I liked this. I feel the emotion in there, but you have to be careful not to contradict yourself. Sometimes you say things are something and then you say the opposite. I can't even understand some parts. It's like you are confused as to what you are actually saying, but the tone makes it feel like whatever the lyrics say are absolute. I actually can't point out any general part of your song to criticize because I'm not positive what you are trying to get across. (That didn't make any sense, but it was the best I could tell you) And also, your language. Let's consider something real quick. Whenever you say a curse word, over, and over, and over again, it becomes more obvious that another word could be used. Tell me, what emotion does the word f--- or b--- stir to the listener? It brings up the same meaning every time. You are supposed to be getting emotions across, correct? Vary your words. Perhaps it isn't the vulgarity in your text as it is the lack of sophistication. I see some beautiful metaphors here, so I know that you have the talent to actually use lovely language. When you write lyrics again, try to tell a story rather than curse repetitively at the sky. You know how when you say something over and over again it starts to blur into something incomprehensible? Separate yourself from all those other "musicians" out there.
I suppose I started to rant. But anyway, I think you should work harder to get your point across. Replace the stanzas that only offer bad language and change them so that you are actually telling a story, and you'll get there. Right now, it seems a little all over the place. But I liked it.
Thank you for the read,
Esther