Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
I feel so delirious, I ponder if my body is still mine,
sways of positioning, groans, twirls and twists,
I can’t recessitate the events that just occurred,
enchanted in my hypnotic state, blank mind and time lapsing in expansive segments,
malnourished but there’s still a vacant desire for consumption,
I’m on the ground I’m uncertain what happened but control seems lost,
I shut my eyes once again, inhabiting between a space of sleep and psychosis,
What the f**k is going on?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey there, drearynightz, MaybeInk here for a review.
Oh, hey, you're new here, aren't you? Well, welcome to the Young Writers Society. I hope you feel as welcome as comfortable as I do here.
Also, I feel the need to add that I was really dehydrated once while riding my bike, and I fell into a canal with my bike on top of me. I broke my wrist. And that all happened when we had company over, talk about awkward.
ANYWAY! Onto the review.
All of this describes so perfectly what happened to me when I passed out, so 10/10. Amazing.
Sorry, this probably didn't help, I spent most of this talking about myself.
Keep writing
~ MaybeInk
Hi there and welcome to YWS!! I hope you enjoy it here!
So this is interesting, and very true. I don't have anything to offer, because to me, you did really well. I am not that great of a writer, but I truly feel that this is a good piece of work. Your imagery is very well placed throughout the poem, and the reader can definitely feel this. It is simple, but that can just add to the quality of a poem sometimes, and this is the case with yours.
I'm sorry this wasn't helpful.
Thanks for the feedback! It did more help than you may think.