I try and hide
This pain inside
My heart where no one sees;
To keep my troubles
Locked away
Somewhere you wouldn't believe.
Behind these big blue eyes,
So happy,
Is a pain shared just with me.
A place,
If someone cared to find,
Would not make you think of me.
Here I have locked
All of my sorrow,
Hope, and despairs away.
Away from the sneers
And prodding eyes
That fill my life each day.
Deep within
This heart of hearts
Are tears I've left uncried,
Broken hearts
And memories
Of days I wished to die.
The lock and key
That binds this place
Is not easy to fool,
You must know
And love me
If you want to win its rule.
If this careful gate of mine
Dares to let you through,
Make sure you neither
Harm nor touch
Those things not belonging to you.
Stored in here
Are my deepest fears
Of love won, love lost, heart broken.
Those times I tried
So hard to say
But left my words unspoken.
And when I cried the quiet tears
Of death
Of pain and rejection.
You're so close now
To seeing how
My heart of hearts has desired.
To knowing all my deepest fears,
Who I love,
And who I've admired.
The gate is beore you,
You hold the key,
So go ahead and try it;
And if the tumblers stick,
It's not a trick,
You're just not ready to see it.
But with love and affection,
One special connection,
My lock will turn for you.
And now that you're in,
A peculiar spin,
You'll be here forever. That's true.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,847 Reviews
helloo!
This is a beautiful write and I love it!! I think a lot of people can relate to this..I sure can =)
I don't really have criticism for you, just this one little thing:
My favorite part
great write!! I really enjoyed reading this
-qaralynn-
This was pretty amazing. I loved it. I kind of interpreted it as "I know you love me, but you can't know my secrets unless you have the key--or my returned affection, or something like that." It was pretty.
I can see a rhyming pattern here, but the general structure and rhythmical pattern were a little off...there were some points where it had a certain rhythm, but with each rhyme change the lines got longer or shorter quite dramatically and off-throwing-ly. I still liked it though, I always love poems like this. Keep writing, and good luck!
This is very good. The descriptions are very good and the emotion is very vivid. This paints a deep picture in my head. I hope to read more of your works soon. I hope you get many helpful reviews. May you improve greatly while here!!! Keep up the good work and Good luck. Happy Writing!!! I'll be keeping an eye out for more of your works!!!
Soulkana<3