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expectations

by dreamgirlsky


expectations

it can break me

it can build me

it can show me

or it can oppose me

my shoulder's sagging with the weight

I can feel myself sink

for its extinction I await

just give me time to think

there is no one to blame

expectations I myself carry

but without expectation there is no aim

and just think if you acheive it ,you will be bathed in glory!

is it destructive?

or is it productive?

the answer is you my friend

its how you think and if you think wrong,

I'm sorry my friend but you've reached a dead end.


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64 Reviews


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Sat Jun 27, 2020 3:07 pm
StarlitMind wrote a review...



Hey there!
This is a nice and enjoyable poem about expectations. I'm sure a lot of this is relatable to many readers; it's nice when the readers are able to connect with the piece you wrote! I have a few things I'd like to point out if you don't mind. These are just suggestions, so you don't have to listen to them if you don't want to! :)

The first thing I'd like to mention is stanzas. I think stanzas would make your poem less intimidating and an easier read, as right now it's just a big block of text. I've put one way you could divide your poem up in the spoiler below!

Spoiler! :
it can break me

it can build me

it can show me

or it can oppose me


my shoulder's sagging with the weight

I can feel myself sink

for its extinction I await

just give me time to think


there is no one to blame

expectations I myself carry

but without expectation there is no aim

and just think if you acheive it ,you will be bathed in glory!


is it destructive?

or is it productive?

the answer is you my friend

its how you think and if you think wrong,

I'm sorry my friend but you've reached a dead end.


The next thing I'd like to mention is line length. Most of your lines are on the shorter side, but you randomly have longer lines. I'd recommend remaining consistent in your line length. I know it may be a little harder for you to break up your lines since you have a rhyme scheme, so it's not a big deal if you can't do it; I just thought I'd mention it!

The other thing I'd like to mention is your rhyme scheme. It's a bit inconsistent. It's mostly ababcdcd etc. but it doesn't follow that pattern in the beginning or the end. I'd also recommend remaining consistent in your rhyme scheme as well to make this flow better.

Another thing I'd like to mention is repetition. Sometimes repetition is good when you're trying to emphasize a point, but a lot of the times, it can be unnecessary. In this section

it can break me

it can build me

it can show me

or it can oppose me


I can see why you repeated the phrase "it can (insert words)" but it seems too repetitive since you said it for four lines. I'd personally change it up. Also in this part

the answer is you my friend

its how you think and if you think wrong,

I'm sorry my friend but you've reached a dead end


I think the the repetition of "my friend" is unnecessary. But if you want to keep it, that's completely fine and up to you!

The last thing I'd like to mention is punctuation. Before I go into it further, in this line

and just think if you acheive it ,you will be bathed in glory!


"Acheive" should be "achieve" and the comma should be directly after "it" not attached to the front of "you"
I also wanted to say that the punctuation seems a bit inconsistent to me. You only use commas at the end of your poem. I think if you are going to use them at the end, you should also be a bit more consistent and use them in the beginning as well, at the end of some of the lines, to help with the overall flow of the poem.

Overall, this is a nice and relatable poem! I enjoyed reading it, and I really hope this helped! :)




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Sat May 30, 2020 1:00 pm
nanda wrote a review...



Hello Dreamgirlsky!
Your poetry is so beautiful and sounds so meaningful! How beautifully have you jotted down the idea of Importance of one's own Thinking! I am quite impatient and don't like to read long poetries. But yours was so good that I was compelled to read it till end. Very beautiful and in fact, AWESOME!!! I hope I would be able to read more of your literary works in future. Best of luck and keep going!

Best Wishes,
Mahira




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29 Reviews


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Mon May 25, 2020 8:56 pm



Hello, dreamgirlsky
I like how this poem shows the struggles we all have to face in order to achieve great things. The one hardship that can be either friend or foe...expectations. I like the part when you said "For its extinction i await/Just give me time to think" because well, i can relate to it.




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29 Reviews


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Mon May 25, 2020 8:56 pm
Beautifulsparkle wrote a review...



Hello, dreamgirlsky
I like how this poem shows the struggles we all have to face in order to achieve great things. The one hardship that can be either friend or foe...expectations. I like the part when you said "For its extinction i await/Just give me time to think" because well, i can relate to it.




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29 Reviews


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Mon May 25, 2020 8:55 pm



Hello, dreamgirlsky
I like how this poem shows the struggles we all have to face in order to achieve great things. The one hardship that can be either friend or foe...expectations. I like the part when you said "For its extinction i await/Just give me time to think" because well, i can relate to it.




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Fri May 22, 2020 2:07 pm
Shadeflame wrote a review...



Hello dreamgirlsky!

I'm going to review your work.

This was a poem that really captures the pressures we, as humans, put upon others. Like you said in your poem, some are from us, and some are from other people.

I found the last few lines a bit weird though,

the answer is you my friend

its how you think and if you think wrong,

I'm sorry my friend but you've reached a dead end.

I think maybe it was the fact that you used the word "friend" almost two times in a row. Maybe you could think of a better word choice at the end?

I hope you don't take offense at my review, it's just meant to help you improve.
Keep writing!
-Shadeflame




dreamgirlsky says...


thank you so much for your review!



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Thu May 21, 2020 11:33 am
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LittleLee wrote a review...



Hello!
I'm here to review your poem. First of all, it's cute and short, making it an easy read. I liked the idea behind the poem as well; as a society, we are dependent on the weight of people's expectations. But I'm going to point out things I think can improve. I just want to say, I mean no offense, and just want to help you.
All the "it"s in the first four line should be replaced by "they", which is the grammatically correct form in this case.

my shoulder's sagging with the weight

Do you mean that only one shoulder is sagging under the weight? If you meant both (which is what I'm assuming) the apostrophe is unwanted. It transforms "shoulders" to "shoulder is".

for its extinction I await

This line sounds a little flimsy and doesn't really make sense with the rest of the poem; you mentioned sinking earlier, so I would suggest continuing that train of thought.

just give me time to think

there is no one to blame

expectations I myself carry

These lines are a little random, they don't seem to connect with each other.

and just think if you acheive it ,you will be bathed in glory!

It's "achieve", not "acheive."
There has to be a space after the comma, not before. Also, why don't you write it in two separate lines? It breaks the flow of the poem.

the answer is you my friend

its how you think and if you think wrong,

I'm sorry my friend but you've reached a dead end.

"its" requires an apostrophe.
I don't understand the last line at all?!? It was very random, and felt like it was there to fulfill the obligation of the rhyme scheme rather than actually close the poem.
That's something else I want to talk about; while your rhyme scheme is more or less sound, it seems to inhibit your writing. i would suggest dropping it and looking for other ways to catch a reader's eye.

If the review was too critical, I'm sorry. Just trying to help you out.
-Lee




dreamgirlsky says...


thank you so much for your review.I will work on the aspects you have told me to.thank you again!



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Thu May 21, 2020 11:26 am
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sulagna wrote a review...



It was really a nice poem based on a good theme.
The lines were extremely wonderful but there were chances of writing more about this topic.
I loved the lines u mentioned like:
I can feel myself sink

for its extinction I await

just give me time to think

there is no one to blame
I think it was a great poem.... oh ya i forgot to introduce myself .
My name is Sulagna and I am from India... and yes welcome to YWS!!
Hope u enjoy here ....
Keep writing!




dreamgirlsky says...


I'm also from India!thanks a lot for your review.



sulagna says...


Woww got another Indian



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Thu May 21, 2020 10:09 am
dreamgirlsky says...







The greatest part of a writer’s time is spent in reading, in order to write; a man will turn over half a library to make one book.
— Samuel Johnson