[color=#800000]Darkened clouds, wind and rain.
Left alone with all this pain.
It’s winter here without you.
Landslides always drag me down
Trapped for days, will I be found ?
I pray for skies of blue.
Flooded plains within my head
Tornadoes draw near, leave me for dead.
I feel alone without you.
Drought from tears I know not for
I’ve cried for days, I cry no more.
I’ve made mistakes, it’s true
Hurricane waves pound on my shore
I’m drowning on my bedroom floor.
Will we never be together?
This natural bridge from heart to heart
Collapsed in shreds, fallen apart
These seasons last forever.[/color]
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
Hey there, Dreamer. I have to say this is my favorite poem I've read all day, or at least one of them. The topic is very cliche, but whoa, did you add a wonderful spin, a whole new side to it. Phenomenal is what I would call your poem. Absolutely fantastic, honestly. And I'm a harsh reviewer, too. Everything flowed, there was rhyme, I loved it all, etc, etc.
Phenomenal job. Please share more.
Tata,
Mizz
I loved your poem but my favourite line was this:
"Darkened clouds, wind and rain.Left alone with all this pain.
It’s winter here without you".
I loved how you compared natural disasters with the loss of a loved one just like one of the previous comments said and also it looks so effortless. Which is great, I really enjoyed this"!
Hello! I quite enjoyed this. The topic is pretty overdone but you did put an interesting spin on it with the weather metaphor. What I really enjoyed about your poem though was your rhyming scheme - it's quite different to the usual A,A,B,B or A,B,C,B. It flowed nicely and it didn't sound too forced. Good job.
Hello,
I really liked this, was I right in thinking that in a way it was two poems in one. Because the rhyme scheme for all the bits about the natural disasters matched up and the rhyme scheme for the parts about the loss of a loved one all matched up. I thought that was very good even if it wasn't intended
The only problem I have with this is this line
It seemed a little long and it broke the rhythm. You need to re-word it slightly and lose a few syllables. Read it aloud and you will see what I mean
Overall, this was very good so well done!
Keep writing
~Lydia