Young Writers Society

dramagurly--


I, I, I, me, me, me.

I get the distinct impression that you write for therapeutic reasons as both of your pieces "tell" us all about you, and the problems you are experiencing. At some point, you will realise that nobody really cares, and you have to decide that if you only write to make yourself feel better, then you are never going to attract an audience.

If you decide that you would like to reach an audience, you have to start writing for them.


Best,
Brad

im sorry jeesh it was actually ment for a friend of mine she had a boyfriend who he dumped her so she kinda cut herself i wrote these lyrics for HER and she thought that they were pretty good.

the only one that was actually being nice to me while commenting *meaning no RUDE comments* was cluadette *im sorry again if i spelled that wrong*
anyways as i was saying give me a break other people its like my third try on here
and usually write in chat mode so i didnt think i needed punctuaation.

i'll try to improve thanks for the suggestions!

What the hell is it with young people and all these depressing poems?! Jesus...

First off, your first two lines have a problem... Everythings? ... Not a word. Apostrophes!

... That's about as much as I could stand to read... everything else was a complete turn off, and I read about half of it before my eyes started hurting.

Stanzas, that's what they're called, use them. Use several. Go nuts with them.

Punctuation as well. And the "i"'s, are really annoying... It's called proofreading. Realize how none of us could finish it so far... I'm not saying it's a bad poem, but I can't tell... because of the bad format.

Write lines according to your own flow, use the stanzas as you feel... The only reason I tell you this is so nobody will read your poems, because that is how I write mine

*Turns head away and thrashes violently cursing.*

This i couldn't read at all apart from being mind numbinly depressing it has no layout and no punuacton. The way it set makes me stop reading. The layout wrong. I'm sorry but i couldn't read anymore.Fix layout and punuaction then i'll read it.

First off, I don't think I've critiqued anything by you, or ever generally said welcome to you. Welcome to YWS! I'm Claudette! Instructor-soon-to-be-Jr. Mod!

Now then, the critique. Punctuation. I'm not going to say any more, because I wrote a whole article on this idea for this sole purpose. Poetry & Punctuation by Me. That might help you out a bit on this one; read it, study it, try it out for yourself.

Now, for the real poem. It...spills all over its self the ideas you are having. And it does it badly. From a general-poem standing, the rhyming doesn't happen in any pattern, and there is no recognizable rhythm, creating flow issues. Making your poem have a pattern is helpful, it makes people understand and. (You might want to look at the articles I linked in the above article, those would help. And that is a weird sentence.)

So i grabbed a knife
Gave myself these scars