Chapter Two
I stood in front of 3180 Firview Street, aka, my dad’s house. And I was amazed. Dad was getting along a lot better than I thought he was. The house was three stories tall and was very wide. From where I could see, there were five balconies. The large lawn surrounding the house was a deep green and there were no brown spots or weeds. A two-seater was parked in the driveway in front of the garage. I was very impressed.
A tall man with gray hair stepped out of the house and walked across the grass, his arms opened wide for me.
“Daddy!” I cried. I dropped my backpack on the sidewalk and ran across the grass into his arms. “I missed you, dad. Your hair has gotten a lot grayer since I last saw you.”
“Thanks, Pride. That makes me feel real good. It’s just what I want to hear from my daughter that I haven’t seen in two years,” he said sarcastically.
I laughed. “Wow, daddy. Your house is amazing! I knew that you were doing good, but I didn’t know that you were doing this good!”
“Yeah, when I came down here, I started my own Handy-man business. It pays well. You know, just enough to put bread on the table,” he said, letting go of me.
“That must be one big loaf of bread!” I cried.
“Yeah. You’d be surprised on how many rich people there are in Miami, and how much they would pay a man to do a simple little job.” Dad sighed.
We stood there, staring at the house and the car for a couple of minutes before Dad said, “Hey, you want to see your room?”
“Yeah!” I cried excitedly.
Dad grabbed one of my bags and, lifting it up, said “Oomph! God, Pride! What did you pack in here?”
“Daddy! Be careful! That’s my book bag! It has all of my books in it!” I had about 500 books or so, collected throughout the years.
“Ah, yes. Your books. I almost forgot about how much you love to read.” Dad sighed, remembering the past.
“Dad!” I snapped my fingers in front of his face, bringing him out of his daze.
“What?”
“You were going to show me my room, remember?”
“Oh, yes. Please, step this way.” Dad picked up my bag and headed into the house. I followed him.
The inside of the house was even more amazing than the outside. The foyer was huge, and to the right, there was a large staircase winding up to the second floor. I followed Dad up those stairs while I listened to him jabber on.
“Even this house looks big, it doesn’t have that many rooms. It’s just the fact that the rooms that are here are really big. But there’s a kitchen, a dinning room, a study, five bedrooms, and three bathrooms, one on each floor. I know that you’ll really like it here.”
We started walking up the second staircase to the third floor.
“There are lots of really nice kids around here, and the high school is pretty good. I really think that you’ll make friends fast because everyone’s really nice and they love it when new kids come because they love to learn about different people from different parts of the world and different parts of the country.”
We had reached the third floor. In front of us was a short hallway. At the end of the hallway was a large heavy oak door.
“And this--” dad put his hand on the old iron handle. “--is your room.”
He pushed down the handle and threw the door open. When I saw the inside, I gasped in amazement.
The walls were a beautiful ruby-red with golden stars all over it in what seemed like random spots. There were a couple pictures of dragons and fairies hanging up all around the room. There were three doors leading to different places. I later learned that they leaded to a large walk-in closet, a bathroom, and the French doors leaded to a balcony. There was also a large desk made out of dark wood that had a laptop sitting on top of it. I was extremely happy with what I saw.
“You start unpacking, I’ll make dinner,” said Dad, closing the door behind him. I sighed and looked around the room. It would take a lot of work, but the room would eventually become mine.
~ ~ ~
I awoke to hear birds twittering and I saw golden sun flowing through the French doors windows. I stretched and stood up. I walked across the room and stood on the balcony. The sun glinted off the pool water and birds sang in the trees at the far end of the yard. It was a beautiful day, perfect for walking down the street and seeing Alex’s bookstore.
I got dressed and walked down the stairs to the first floor. Down the hall and through the second left-hand door, I found myself in the dining room. Dad sat at the head of the table, munching on some toast and reading the sports section of the newspaper. I plopped down in a chair next to him.
“Did you sleep well?” asked dad, not even looking up from the newspaper. He turned a page.
“Yup.” I picked up a bagel and spread some cream cheese on it. Dad put the paper down.
“I’m really sorry, Pride, but I have a couple of handyman services to do this morning. I won’t be back until about one or two o’ clock. Will you be lonely or have nothing to do? I could always call them and tell them that I’m sick,” Dad said.
“No, I’ll be fine,” I replied, looking at him. “Really. I was going to walk around, get to know the area, maybe even check out the bookstore down the street that I saw earlier. I’ll have plenty to do.”
“Okay.” Dad stood up. I noticed that he was wearing on of those one-pieced suits that plumbers and tow truck guys wear. On the back of it, it said Steve’s Handy-Man Service. “But if you need me, for anything, call. My cell-phone numbers on the fridge.”
“’Kay.” I took a big bite out of my bagel, causing cream cheese to get all over my face.
“Bye,” Dad called, leaving the room.
“Bye!” I called back. I heard the front door close. Then, the car door slammed. The car started up. I listened to it roar down the street. Then I finished eating, cleaned up, and grabbed my purse, the one with the cute little kittens on it.
I closed the door behind me and started down the walk, headed in the direction that Alex’s bookstore was in. As I passed the house next door to mine, I heard a voice call out, piercing the morning silence.
“Hey!”
I turned in the direction of the sound and noticed a girl standing on the lawn. She was tall, looked to be about my age, had glasses perched on her face, and freckles littering her nose. She had short dirty-blonde hair and her eyes glared angrily at me.
“Who are you?” she asked, marching up to me. She had black and white sneakers, jeans, and a shirt that said “Whatever you have to say it’s interesting to me, so don’t even bother”. “Tourists never come to this part of the city, and only the people who live near here walk. But I know every person here, and no one has moved or anything. So who are you, and why are you here?” She pushed her face up close to mine and I could see fire burning in her eyes. I instantly thought Is this girl insane, or does she have some brain problem or something?
“Um…uh…” I didn’t know what to say. Should I lie to her? Should I tell her to back off and walk away? Should I push her down and run inside? I racked my brain for the best solution. Why hadn’t Dad told me that there was a crazy girl living next door? The whole while, my lips went “um…uh…uh…”.
“Well? Speak up!” She was starting to scare me.
Finally, I said something. “Hey! Get off!” I cried. “My dad lives next door! I just moved here to live with him! God! Does everyone in Miami need to know why I’m here?”
The girl instantly backed off. “Oh, yes,” she said more calmly. “I remember. Steve told me about you. But I didn’t think that you’d be here for another week or so.” She stuck out her hand. “My name is Emily Fisher. I live here.” She pointed to the house behind her. “I’ve lived her practically my whole life. You’ve come here at a good time. It’s the beginning of February vacation. That means that I get a whole week to show you around and get you settled in before you have to start school. What’s your name?”
I was startled by this sudden change in character, but I could tell that this would be a long friendship, and that Emily and I would go through a lot of hard times together. “My name is…is …”. Once again, I wondered if I should tell her my name or make up a fake one. “Um…my name is…”
“Why do you keep on doing that?” asked Emily.
“Promise that you won’t laugh at my name?” I whispered.
“Of course,” replied Emily.
“My name is Pride Keena,” I whispered.
“Wow,” breathed Emily. “I wish I had a name like that. It would probably be Death or Killer or Insulter or something like that.”
I laughed. I don’t know why. I guess others would be scared, but for some reason, I laughed.
“So, where are you headed anyway, Pride?” asked Emily.
“I’m going to see my friend,” I answered.
“Which friend? Besides me, of course.” I liked how this girl just declared herself something. I could tell that one day, she would be a very great leader. I was also sure that some of the people that she will rule over will be scared of her.
“His name is Alex,” I said.
“Alex? Which Alex? There are a lot of Alex’s around here. Do you know his last name?” Emily was very nosy and asked a lot of questions, but I didn’t mind.
I shook my head. “I don’t know his last name, but I do know that he owns The Dragons Scroll.”
Emily made a face. “I don’t like that Alex. He’s weird. I’ve been in his shop a couple of times. He has old books and the only people that buy from him are book collectors that live around here. And most of the books he sells are weird.”
“How are they weird?”
“They’re all about fairies and dragons and spells that can make trees come to life and stuff like that.” Emily stuck out her tongue.
“And you think that he’s weird because he sells those books?” I wondered.
“I always said that you can tell what kind of person a person really is by the books that they read. I’m more of a pirate person myself. You know, things with lots of blood and killing.”
I nodded. “Well, I’m going to see him anyway. You should come with me. I really think that you’ll like Alex once you actually meet him.”
Emily shook her head. “Nah. Maybe some other time.”
“Fine,” I was a bit mad that Emily was judging a book by its cover, but I would get her to meet Alex later. “Do you want to go swimming with me when I come back?”
“Sure. I’ll meet you in your backyard in forty-five minutes?” she asked.
“Sure,” I replied. I turned and continued on my walk towards The Dragons Scroll. I noticed how, even tough Emily and I had only know each other for about ten minutes, we acted like we had known each other forever.
Five minutes later, I arrived at The Dragons Scroll. It had a wooden sign above the door that said in gold script The Dragons Scroll. Below the script was a picture of a red dragon clutching a scroll in its claw.
I opened the door and stepped inside. The lighting was dim compared to outside in the bright sun, and it took me a minute for my eyes to adjust. When they did, I saw rows and rows of shelves full of old and musty books. As I stepped deeper into the shop, I noticed a counter with a cash register on it. Be hind the counter was a doorway with a large dark blue cloth hanging over it.
“Can I help you?”
I whirled around to see Alex, looking just like he had yesterday, standing there. When he saw that it was me, he cried, “Pride! What a pleasant surprise! What brings you here on this fine Miami day?”
“Well, I thought that since I live right down the street, I’d come and see your bookstore. I really like it.” I wasn’t lying about the last part. I really did like it. It had an ancient air around it that really appealed to me.
“Say, Pride, can I ask you something?” asked Alex.
“Of course,” was my answer.
“Well, I was thinking, it gets pretty busy around here in the afternoons. And sometimes I have to go places, so I can’t sell things to my customers. So I was wondering I you would like a job here? You can work here afternoons and after school. I’ll pay you fifteen dollars an hour.” He seemed really eager, like he would do anything to get me to work at his shop.
Of course, my answer was yes. Who wouldn’t want to work in a bookshop that sells only the kind of books that you absolutely love? And fifteen dollars an hour! I could easily make a lot of money! I couldn’t wait to get started.
“Come back here tomorrow at two o’ clock, and you can get started,” said Alex.
“Cool!” I cried. “See you at two o’ clock tomorrow!” I opened the store’s front door and walked out into the bright sunlight. I squinted and instantly pulled my sunglasses out of my purse.
About half an hour later, I met Emily at the pool in my backyard. I was wearing a blue bikini and Emily was wearing a purple swimsuit.
“So, what books did you get?” asked Emily.
“I didn’t,” I replied. “But I did get a job there. I work after school and afternoons. I start tomorrow, at two o’ clock.”
Emily’s mouth dropped open. “He offered you a job?”
I nodded.
“And he hasn’t known you very long?”
I nodded again.
“That’s really weird,” she whispered.
“Why?” I asked.
“I tried to get a job there once. When I asked if there were any openings, he said ‘I’ll never have any teen work in my store. All they care about is getting money. And they’ll only work when they rarely feel like it. I’d rather have a professional adult help me.’ and then he kicked me out of the store and closed down the shop. It was so weird.” Emily had a distant look on her face, as though she was reliving the day.
I jumped in the pool. I swam around on the bottom for a little while before easily gliding up to the surface. Emily’s mouth was open.
“What?” I asked.
“Do you know how long you were under there?” she asked
.
“No,” I replied.
“It was, like, five minutes!” She looked serious, but I didn’t believe her.
“I’m sure your just exaggerating,” I said. “Now, how long ago was it that you asked for this job?”
“About a month and a half ago,” Emily replied. “Sure, I said that I didn’t like him, but I needed a job. So I thought: Hey, why not get a job at a bookstore that’s close to home? I do love books. So I asked. He was acting really weird. He’s usually a lot nicer than that.”
“Yeah,” I whispered. I wondered what was going on with Alex. He seemed to be acting really strange, stranger than a normal person should act. And it seemed that the way he has been acting isn’t the way he normally acts, either. I was getting worried. Was Alex in trouble? Was someone threatening to hurt him? I felt a strong, deep, loving connection, like a brother-sister connection, even though I had only known him for a day.
For the next couple of hours, Emily and I swam around in the pool and sat in the Jacuzzi. Emily told me about the neighborhood: about how most people here are book collectors, so that’s how Alex makes all of his money. Emily also told me about Heir High School. No one knows who named it that, or why, but everyone recons that whoever it was must have been a really snotty person. Emily told me about her friends at the high school. Alley, Katelynn, Troy, and Jacob were her best friends, and she had known them since elementary school.
Emily and I were talking about our favorite books when I heard a car pull up in the driveway. I glanced at my watch. It was only 11:30. Then I heard the Thud! Thud! Thud! of work boots on pavement.
“Who could that be?” I wondered out loud. “Dad doesn’t get home for another hour and a half.”
Suddenly, the sound of footsteps stopped just around the corner of the house. Then, a man jumped out and yelled, “Aurgh!” I raised my eyebrow at Dad’s attempt to scare me.
“Dad, you’re really bad at this. I could easily hear your footsteps. Your hopeless, isn’t he Emily?” I turned to see Emily sitting very ridged, face pale and eyes wide.
“He isn’t that hopeless,” she whispered. “I don’t know how the heck you heard him, Pride, because he did not make a sound. He scared the crap out of me.”
“Oh, come on, he did not! He was practically stomping the whole way here!” I cried.
Emily shook her head. “No he wasn’t, Pride. I’m telling you. You’ve got the ears of a cat.”
I rolled my eyes and turned back to Dad. “Dad, this is my new friend, Emily.”
“Ah, Emily!” he cried. “I believe we have met before. You live next door, right? Pride, I’m so glad that you found a friend so quickly. I really thought that you would be lonely until you started school. That’s why I finished work early and came home to see you. But, obviously, I’m not needed here.”
“Daddy, guess what!” I cried.
“I got a job down at the bookstore! I’m going to make fifteen dollars an hour, and I start tomorrow!”
“Good for you, honey!” Dad ruffled my hair like he did when I was little. “Well, I’m going inside. Shout if you need anything.”
“’Kay,” I said, turning back towards Emily.
“Wow, you have a really cool dad,” she said.
I nodded, not really paying attention to what she was saying. I was thinking about what tomorrow would hold at the shop. I also wondered if I would be able to find out what was making Alex act so weird, and if I could help him.
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I love Emily. She sounds really funny. Ok, now there are a couple simple things you might wanna change, just to make it run smoother.
I think that Emily's introduction should be a little less hostile; so you still get the idea she's pushy, up-front, and headstrong, but it doesn't make her later niceness disconcerting. Also, when you say what's on her shirt, I think it might work better in italics, because the first time I read it it was confusing, and I had to reread. Also, carefully go over each sentence and make sure apostrophes are where they're needed. Some of your possesive nouns and such lack punctuation. I can still read it, but I get confuddled.
A few more details, like about house, street, weather, and the bookstore would also be welcome.
Other than those things (sounds like a lot but are really a little) the story was fantastic! I loved reading it, and can't wait for the next installment.
Thanks- Alanda ^_^
Congrats on updating!
A lot happens in this chapter for how short it is. You kind of seem to rush through it. Maybe you could slow down and describe things a little more. Tell us what the house looks like, what Emily is wearing (it might give us some clues to her personality) and what the inside of the Dragon's Scroll looks like.
Alex offering Pride a job seems a little weird. Normally, the worker-to-be has to find the job, ask about it, and all that. I know that you intend for it to be strange that Alex is offering a job, but Pride seems to be okay with it. Perhaps she should be a little more cautious, considering she doesn't know Alex very well.
That is another thing. You are having your character bond with people really quickly. Unless this is a character trait that is important to whatever she is (obviously she has something superhuman about her), you should spend a little more time on the relationships. They are happening a little too fast. Have an awkward period or something, where Pride isn't quite sure what to do around the new people. There is a short one with Emily, but then it is gone really quickly. Unless, as I mentioned before, it is because of a specific reason that the relationships move really fast, I would certainly slow down. It is almost as if the shortcut route is being taken, rather than the painstaking process of narrating the beginning of a relationship.
Slooooow down a little. Spread the information out. You do a bit of info-dumping in the dialogue with some whopping big conversations. Spread it thinner. Have the information come a little more piece meal. You have quite a mystery showing up. The reader won't mind waiting a little more... Take the time to establish your characters before you go rushing into something fantastic.
Anyway, nice job!
Good luck!
~GryphonFledgling
“’Kay,” I said, turning back towards Emily. I think you should just put "OK" instead of "Kay" because it sounds better and it is kind of quicker. That's my opinion but other than that your story was awesome. I loved it. Very well thought out and written. I am a more poem kind of writer but i like reading people's stories it is kind of neat to see what kind of writing they posses. Well I gotta go. Remember just PM me if you need any questions about my critique. OK! XD TTYL

SimonCowellLuver/Gothgirl01