Published August 17, 2011
If I had no more time left to be here
Would you cherish what we had?
Would memories of me make you smile?
Or will you begin to be what you never were.
When I'm gone
Would you have stopped to listen?
In my darkest nights and deepest despairs
Would you have cared?
To Know me at least.
When I'm gone
Would you have accepted me as I was,
And be proud of me like I was you?
Would you have made everyday of our lives,
moments to live for?
Now I'm gone
And you realize I was a gift,
you never opened
I was gold wrapped in dirty thread
I'm home to where I belong;
And you wish you had me again.
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139,448 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
Wow, this is really deep and enticing, it really kept me reading on throughout the sotry! I can see how people might feel if their alone, and if people would care if they never existed from the world. The part where you say "Now I'm gone" was really touching. It was diffrent from the rest, because it shows of what people missed seeing somebody as, or that person saying it. With this poem, many other people can say it since it can or will relate to their lifestyle.
The groups of friends like to stay with their group, not allowing anybody else in. So the person might feel rejected and feel like nobody wants them (well, thats what I see). What are those hyphens for? I do not see why they are there, and they make no sence in their place.
It still makes perfect sence without the hyphen. Same with the other one.
Overall, this was really nice! And preety too! ^^
Well this peom was nice! I liked the way your emotions flowed!
And yes i think you coudl use a little less the word "would" and replace it with a synonym?!
All in all, it was a good poem.
Happy writing! x
A very interesting style and set-up. It's quite beautiful and it flows well. I can't seem to find anything wrong with this besides what's already been said. Very well done, I quite enjoyed this. Write more poems like this one, I look forward for your future posts.
-Greena
wow this was very entrancing...i loved it! it really brings to mind that famous quote--"you never really know what you have until it's gone!" great job i especially love the imagery of the line "gold-wrapped in dirty thread". i personally would have used the word "would" a lot less, maybe used a different word. and i'm not sure why you have those hyphens (----) inserted in there, i don't think they were really necessary. and i would have added punctuation after the "when i'm gone"s but i guess it made them stand out more without the punctuation after them. other than that, it really was a fantastic idea and you used good words to describe it! keep up the great writing!!!