I am a Woman,
Bound by the intricacies of my youth
Vassal of man's irateness
Emblem of purity, fineness and fairness
Convoluted, yet modest
In solipsism and silent melancholy
This is the woman's life.
Cattleya, the gracious orchid
A woman,
To be admired,
But never to be understood.
A woman,
The lesser man.
A woman,
At best, a contradiction still.
I am a woman,
Empowered with a voice
My words are as soothing as the waters
Weaker vessels, we are called
But the strength of many men lies within our loins.
Lolita, as graceful as a deer
Your charm and subtlety has excelled
Where many men failed
For man's avowal is only transient.
Oh! woman, lovely woman,
The hands that rocks the cradle is blessed
Woman of Africa, what are you not?
A mother, a sister,a daughter and a wife.
The travails of day and night.
Your exertion is not in vain
The end product of her labor----man.
A new type of woman arises,
With the torch of beauty in one hand
And the sword of audacity on the other
Pioneers of a fearless generation
The lifewire of the future
Inexplicable, Inextirpable replica of divinity
Virtuous virtuosos
More than mere resections of man's intrepid frame.
Awake!, o ye daughters of Africa,
Awake sister!, slumber no more
Distinguish yourselves
Show forth to the world
That ye are endowed
With noble and exalted faculties.
I am a woman,
And I am pleased to be.
Hi there!
So first of, good imagery and figurative language going on here. I especially like the references to Africa, because, well...take a look at my name!
There are a few things, however.
As I said, I liked the references to Africa, but I feel they came in a little randomly - with the first one it was fine, but then with the second one it seemed like you had decided to make that important, yet it's absent from the first several stanzas of the poem. So if the Africa bit is important, try to work it in a little earlier - maybe the second stanza, just so it doesn't seem random, like something you decided to throw in when you were halfway through the poem.
Also, the first stanza, after the second line, is kind of weak. Through the rest of the poem you have great imagery and metaphor, plus some alliteration, but in the first stanza you just use a lot of abstract words. They're good words, don't get me wrong - you're not just saying dull, common words, which is good, but they don't add any imagery and they don't really elicit much emotion. So I would suggest revising that, or even cutting all but the first two lines.
Then there were a few little things:
"A woman,
To be admired,
But never to be understood"
In this bit, you don't need the commas. Also, "but never understood" would flow better and technically be more correct than "but never to be understood."
"The hands that rocks the cradle is blessed"
Here, you lack subject-verb agreement. This is easily fixed. It should either be "the hands that rock the cradle are blessed" or "the hand that rocks the cradle is blessed." Personally, I prefer the latter, but that's your choice.
"the lifewire of the future" - it should be "live wire."
Other than those few things, however, this was really good. I very much enjoyed reading it.
~Blue
Thanks blue Africa. I'll take heed to your corrections.