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Betrayal

by doglover11


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

The Great War changed everything. World War IV could have been the end of everyone. It was the end for me. My name is Lieutenant Dawn Pryor and this is the story of how I died in the war to end all betrayal, violence… the war to end all hatefulness.

The year was 2800, in the midst of the war I was a Lieutenant in the United States Army. This is the day I remember most from the war, the day I met the beginning of the end. It was the middle of January and my unit was receiving a very important mission, a mission that could end the war. I was walking into the debriefing when I heard a name I have not heard in years.

“Second lieutenant Tanith the debriefing is starting,” shouted a soldier.

“Tanith?” I round the corner and see her, my best friend. Div Tanith! Div turned with a smirk on her face, “Well if it isn’t Dawn Pryor.”

“What are you doing here Div? I didn’t hear anything about you being on this mission.” Div was my best friend when we were kids together, but in the past couple of years we hadn’t spoken to one another.

It all started in the year of 2787, this was the year the Great War started. It was the last day of school, and I was caught off guard by the lesson. On the board I read “World War III.” On that last day of school I learned everything I needed to know for my future even if I didn’t know that yet. Later that day, as I was walking by the justice building I hear footsteps behind me.

“Dawn wait up!” I turn to see Div speeding toward me. “Wasn’t that lecture boring? When will I ever need to know how a war that happened one hundred years ago started? Never, I will never need to know that a man named Borko Farren killed his own father just to become ruler of some random kingdom. To start a war.”

“I thought it was interesting, how we fought with many different countries to defeat that tyrant Farran. He would have destroyed everyone that wasn’t a part of his empire if the states and kingdoms didn’t fight together.”

Div interrupted me, “What about the people that died in World War III.About one million died, even more where wounded. Think about it Dawn, it isn’t interesting it is sad. Why didn’t the states and kingdoms give up, it would have caused a lot fewer casualties. ”

“You’re right, a lot of people did die but without what happened we would all either be dead or live under a ruler who didn’t care about human life.”

Div stared at me, something in her eyes frightened me. Then she said “It could have been a good thing if Farran had won and the joined armies never fought back. That man had good ideas…” I was stunned by what Div was saying. I was about to scold her when the grounded started to shake under us. Everything was trembling even the trees, I could see the cloud of smoke coming for us. “Run!” I screamed. I knew this rush of smoke and ash would kill us. We ran for are lives, trying not to trip on falling debris. Then I spot it, safely the old cellar by the monument.

“Div bank left” I yell over the noise.

Div broke left and together we jumped into the cellar with seconds to spare, as the smoke and ash swept up our tracks. The uproar of smoke and ash subsided in minutes. Div ventured to the door and gazed out.

“Nothing…” she whispered

“What?” I asked as I pushed past her and that is when I saw the emptiness… “Nothing.” The smoke and ash destroyed the whole city. Only the slabs remained of the millions of homes that were once there.

That was the start of World War IV. The destruction of Washington D.C. June 6, 2787 was the day when I decided to go into the army and fight evil we all face. From that day, I only remember one thing and that is the look on Div’s face, nothing. The years went by and I was accepted into basic training, and learned what happened that day, when D.C. was destroyed. A horrible man named Ryuu Lindor destroyed the city because he thinks he is superior to everyone. He is an evil, but amazing scientist who thinks he can rule the world. Every year I trained, Lindor’s support grew. I don’t know how people could be ok with this man ruling them he killed thousands of innocent people, in one day alone. Finally, after many years I made it to my current position as Lieutenant.

As I stand here remembering the years Div’s voice brings me out of my haze.

“Are we going to do this or not,” she question beside the debriefing tent.

“I’m coming,” I announced and stomped to the tent.

The mission is simple right “destroy the lab” easy enough. Except, this lab is in the middle of enemy territory with millions of weapon that no one can escape or comprehend… yeah easy. Div, my unit, and I board the hover craft with the hope of the nation and the world on our shoulders.

“All right everyone huddle up this is your last chance to hear the plan” everyone’s attention is pined on me. “Ok, first we wait for the United kingdoms to attack the back flank of the base once they do we will begin our silent attack on the side gate. Before we attack the gate the united republic and our army will attack the front that is when our mission really begins. We will enter the side gate and split, I will give each sub-unit a wing. Once you reach your wing, place this small device on the wall. This will explode, so once you attach it to the wall run as fast as you can out of the building…”

“What will you do Lieutenant?” asked my captain

“Second Lieutenant Div and I will enter the main lab and set the control device. Any question? Good let’s do this for freedom boys.” The whole plane rumbled with cheers of hope. Hope that this deadly war will be over within the night. I turn to Div, but all I see is a stone cold face.

The plane arrives at our destination at around midnight and first attack has already started.

“We have to move, now!”

My unit jumps off the ramp and moves to their positons over the hill, right outside the gate. Right as the last man moves over the hill, I feel the rush of heat as the front gate explodes.

“Well that should keep them busy” Div sang over the noise of the burning gate.

I motion the men to move and we enter the lion’s den. I give the captains the signal to move to their wings. Div and I move forward with caution when out of nowhere Div shoves me to the ground. I roll up onto my feet in time to see Div fire a shot into the opening and a man fall to the ground.

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it Pryor, we’re friends after all”

“Right you ready to finish this Div?” she nods her head and we both enter the lab, as I walk in I hear a man speaking.

“They can’t break in here It’s indestructible, I am indestructible. All I want to do is change the world. Why can’t they leave me alone?”

“Lindor” I mouth to Div. I motion for Div to go around the back and trap him. As she leaves I stand and shout…

“Freeze Lindor.”

“How did you get in here? That’s impossible.” His hand moves toward a lever

“Stop or I will shot you” I have my blaster pointed right at him. He freezes with a smile on his face.

“Ok, ok I’ll freeze.”

And that’s when I hear it the sound of a plaster. I roll but not fast enough, I feel the burn of the blaster blaze right into my shoulder and moan in pain. When I look to see who shot me and my heart shattered.

“Div.” I whispered

The friend I trusted stood over me with a plaster pointed at my heart. “Why Div he killed millions of people…’

“Why? I did it because he is right Dawn. He is making this world better, but there are some hard decisions he has had to make in order to give the world what it needs…”

“Like killing people,” I muttered.

“If necessary yes, some people must die.”

“What happened to you Div as kids you were so kind…”

“Well I grew up Dawn that day when lindor demolished D.C. all I saw was nothing and I didn’t think that was bad I thought was wow…”

I drown out her words and, I look up at this shadow who is taking and think what happen. Then it hits me the control device, I can feel it poke into my hand…

“That is why I did it Dawn and now I think it is time for you to leave.” She brings the gun up and as she starts to pull the trigger. All I can say is

“Why.” and I push the button then everything went dark.

The war ended that night, when the lab was destroyed. Everyone celebrated the victory over Lindor. I watched them with hope because of this one war everything changed people saw the destruction of weapon so the kingdoms and republics join together and made a pact against weapons and violence. As for me I live in peace but I can still see my friends face not the shadow she became but the face of my best friend.


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1080 Reviews


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Sun Feb 21, 2016 10:08 am
Mea wrote a review...



Hey there! I'm here to rescue this work from the dastardly clutches of the Green Room. (yes, I am feeling melodramatic today.)

So! You've clearly got a well-thought out and powerful idea for a story here. The final betrayal of Div has the makings of being really chilling and intense. However, there are some things that could have been executed better.

Number one is the pacing. This story moved far too quickly. The basic background information was given by just telling us in a paragraph (which generally isn't a good idea), and you jump from the beginning of the war all the way to the end in the space of a few paragraphs.

Now, this can be done right, but the problem with it here is the lack of setup. We don't understand what Lindor is doing or what his ideas are that would inspire people like Div, and we don't really get enough of a sense of Div's character to feel betrayed when she turns on Dawn. Basically, the whole thing loses any emotional impact because of lack of setup.

You can fix this by lingering. I know it's a short story, but don't be afraid to linger and give detail (as concisely as possible, of course) about what Div believes and the relationship between the two characters. If, instead of being told that they are best friends, we can see it in the way the talk to each other, the ending will have more of an impact.

The other main thing I'll say is that the whole reason they had to destroy the lab was a bit confusing. I also didn't really understand why pressing the button destroyed the lab, and how Dawn escaped if it did.

Anyway, I hope this was helpful. If you have any questions, just ask!




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Wed Dec 16, 2015 12:22 am
HolographicLadybug wrote a review...



Hello! Holographic Ladybug here to review your story! ;)

I want to start off by mentioning that there were a few errors concerning the use of commas, but that is ok. You should probably read through your story and check any spots that need commas or anything else. :)
Otherwise, I loved you story. It was so intense and so well-thought out. You must have spent days thinking over this idea in your head, thinking about world war three and what would happen in the following war. The whole storyline was amazing. You've crafted the perfect betrayal that made us see more into the main character's friend.
What's more is that you've left me asking no questions about the past of the story. I do have questions about the future ("What will happen next?"), which is natural for a story.
Well done.

~Holographic Ladybug
(Fades away....)





If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
— Oscar Wilde