Young Writers Society

Heyo it's Zayin, and before I type my review out I just wanted to say that this poem is filled with so many strong aspects and you did a wonderful job at conveying them all! Alas let's get on the review!


The poem uses compelling, almost shocking imagery that really brings the emotion
in the poem to life. Lines like "i feel the walls / breathe to the rhythm of her heartbeat" and "the corpse in her trunk" are striking and memorable and made me want keep reading and unravel this work more.


The Duality: The poem explores the dual nature of love, loss, and identity in a compelling way. The mirrored relationship ("we were mirrors of each other") is an evocative theme, suggesting how intertwined these two individuals are—yet also how distorted and disconnected they have become. Now I have yapped a lot but overall this is really nice and will put the reader on edge first read! Really nice work! -ZK

okay. hi chi! it's me. here to review this absolutely jaw dropping poem.

as always, you keep this sheer rawness and almost blunt aspect. ever so anatomical and deathly. the feeling of disgust/rot/death/decay throughout is so harsh and powerful, very chicore in my opinion.

you have a lot of "x [does/is/causes] x" in this, which i find is a really interesting component to add- the repetition is amazing. and the opposites!! ugh you make this so hard to put into words, but those "x [does/is/causes etc.] x" phrases make this feel dreadful. like there's this sense of eternity of waiting, of absence, and the dread that comes with that.

you keep a shock factor in it, not so much that it's scary but the harshness and disgust that comes with gagging, vomiting, retching, is so bitter. you keep this along with rot/death/corpse. it's something i notice resurfaces in your poems. makes it feel as if you wonder if she is disgusted of you, you are disgusted of her, something is disgusted of you, or whatever.

the questions are littered throughout too. always asking. keeping this wonderment of "who is who" or what you were missing in her eyes. this gaze from you/her is present and beautiful.

the beginning is haunted, as is the whole poem. the absence mentioned in the next stanza transitions nicely. the absence is presence, in this. longing for her.

i was a tad bit confused at what "spade" you meant, but i assume you mean shovel? burying bodies, smelling rot, corpse in trunk/body in bed. the same decay/disgust i was talking about earlier.

that final stanza... chi. you made me actually gasp. being without, being absent for long enough to forget the details is the decay of memory, the death of it. and it's beautiful to see.

this poem has transformed me, for the better. i think this is what i'll have to hold space for now.

sincerely & till next time,
-herb

this is just...ugh. perfect. i'd review it but I do not have time or frankly the brain to fully comprehend. chi, it's seriously beautiful.

Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Hi, I am gonna be reviewing your peace today!

Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
Well let me just say wow. I saw the title and thought to myself "That's a good title, i can only imagine how good the poem is" then I clicked on it, and let me just say you beat my expectations. This is a great poem. It's not too long but it's not too short. It's perfect.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
Room for improvements? You don't need any, this poem is great!

Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
I gotta admit I love sensory details and this poem is full of them. Everything is clear and easy to read. I love how i can feel the mood and the emotion. My favorite part was probably
"she gags, retches, fingers down her throat;
what are you looking for
that you couldn't find in me?"

Closing Graham Cracker - Well that's all i hope you have a good day/night

remind me to review this later. this is probably going to redefine me for a few months.

I love this. I want to come back with more to say but for now I just want you to know I love this