Hi chi. This is one of your older works, but it still caught my eye.
Now the interesting thing about this poem, I think, is the title. In my opinion, the title of a poem greatly changes the meaning of the poem. At first, I figured that this poem was about reflection. And it is. But "sometimes you make people sad." I wonder if the 'you' is the person this poem is addressed to, and "people" is the narrator. Either way, it piqued my interest.
it has been a long time.
older, maybe not wiser, but nonetheless i am here.
First read, I thought that maybe the narrator was returning to a physical space. Second read, I am under the impression that the narrator is resisting a memory. And from "it has been a long time," I can also assume that the narrator has visited this memory before. And sometimes, those memories make people sad.
the last time i saw you, you wanted to go home.
i hope you're there in that beautiful place you described.
What does home mean? Because I know that sometimes home does not necessarily mean house. Perhaps home for the addressee is not a physical place. But this is almost a wish for happiness, is it not? And I can't help but wonder if "home" is with another person. Now, that's something that can make people sad.
the more i pull these memories out, i keep damaging them;
the ink spills off the photograph and it fades away.
Now obviously we have a metaphor of memories to photos. But what exactly is that damage? Yes, the more a photograph is handled and touched (and simply because of time), the photo will begin to erode. BUT then you follow up with "you thought we could be people again. i keep recalling them until they are gone." This makes me think that what is fading away is the chance of the narrator and the addressee ever being "people" again. Or, more likely, turning those memories back into reality; reconnecting again. And my, that is a sad thing.
there is no fantasy in this life,
no characters on a screen. there are no panes of glass
between us.
There is no chance of the narrator and the addressee reconnecting, is what I got from these lines. There is no room for hopeful wishes, this is not a movie in which happy endings are inevitable. Now, the glass part stumped me a bit, but from what I interpreted from the previous lines, I assumed it was something similar. Perhaps the glass is something that can be seen through. Perhaps it is a metaphor for a simple reconnection. Or perhaps it is meant to symbolize how these two characters could live side-by-side, watching each other continue to live (I have no idea).
life marches on and it stomps down hard with
its bootheel every step it takes.
And then you follow with this line. Ah, of course we cannot dwell on the past or what we could be. But the intriguing thing is that you immensely juxtapose this line in the next stanza with "time stopped when i heard your voice." Now, I don't know if this was intentional (I can't help but think everything you do in your poetry is intentional, though), but it made me pause and think.
it has taken away from me and it will do so again.
i am not scared anymore.
"The march of life" has taken away from the narrator. Others have moved on, people have moved on, everyone has moved on, and yet the narrator remains. But the narrator has accepted that this must happen, perhaps, as the narrator expresses that they are "not scared anymore."
time stopped when i heard your voice;
it has been january ever since
Again, I was so perplexed by this, especially when the narrator had previously said that "life marches on." But maybe the narrator is still stuck in this then-time, even as life continues on. And this then-time, or, January, seems to be where the narrator has not visited in "a long time." And hearing this person's voice has brought the narrator back to that place, where memories fade and the narrator can feel "the bite of the california sun."
i am never alone
because i am everyone i know.
Now, I thought this was a clever line. This is not a happy line, in my opinion. The narrator, is in fact, truly lonely, but they are a fabrication of the memories they have experienced with people. Thus why they are "never alone."
One last thing that intruiged me was that there were two lines that almost seemed out of place within their respective stanzas, like an interruption of thought. They both reference the addressee of the poem, though.
when things get tough, i can't help
but recall when i could lose myself somewhere else.
the more i pull these memories out, i keep damaging them;
the ink spills off the photograph and it fades away.
you thought we could be people again.
i keep recalling them until they're gone.
In this instance, the line "you thought we could be people again" seems out of place. The rest of the stanza strictly talks about memories. The stanza would still flow without this line, and with it, it almost distracts from the next line. "i keep recalling them until they're gone." Until what is gone? The memories? The people they could be again? "you"?
Now, I don't think that this line takes away from the poem at all. And perhaps it fits in with the rest of the stanza more than I think it does. But it does give room for thought.
there is no fantasy in this life,
no characters on a screen. there are no panes of glass
between us. life marches on and it stomps down hard with
its bootheel every step it takes. i see your footprints in the dirt.
it has taken away from me and it will do so again.
i am not scared anymore.
In this instance, I feel that "i see your footprints in the dirt" feels out of place. At first glance, it seems to be referencing back to the steps that "life" is taking. But I don't think this is the case at all. It's a reminder of the addressee, yet again. An interruption of thought that reminds the narrator of them. Almost like those moments are what the narrator is seeing again, or maybe they're reminders of the addressee that bring the narrator back to "january."
This concludes my analysis of the poem. I do hope that maybe I interpreted some things right. Your poems always have intricate complexities and even more profound meanings.
Keep writing
-Avian
Ellie here to leave a review for this fantastic poem. Let's ju,p right in and get started!
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Reviews: 47
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