Someone paint me,
I hoped for always.
Now, the brush is
Within my grasp.
And I stagger.
Minds galloping
A no-win race.
Pointless trophies
Futile honour
What is there to strive for?
The plain canvas stares at me
The teller of time
I strived alone for plain eternity
No point in painting then
Let the stare be the stop
But paintbrushes are waiting
The canvas is thirsty
Hand thrives with talent
Why not enjoy the journey?
Hypocrisy embedded
With one jerk of strength
I decide to paint
Let the brush guide the way
I am a child
And learning life from scratch.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Tigerlilly here to review for the first time in forever!
Like I said, I haven't reviewed for a while, so I might still be a bit rough around the edges. But bear with me, I'm really doing my best to review this work of art (pun not intended). Anyways, this poem is absolutely beautiful. I love the way you describe how the narrator is staring at the canvas and how the thoughts can come racing. I just love the description.
Honestly, there's not too much to review upon as far as your theme goes, so really the only thing I can nitpick on is punctuation, or lack thereof, since you don't have much. I feel like in certain places you could use more punctuation to help dramatize your poem and make it even better (if that's possible) than it already is. For example- and you totally don't have to change this, this is just my suggestion- on the fifth-sixth line,
"Minds galloping
A no-win race."
I personally feel like there should be a semicolon after the "Minds galloping" part so that it looks like this:
"Minds galloping;
A no-win race."
I think that when you read it with the semicolon, it feels more dramatic and the reader can know to pause there.
Other than punctuation, there isn't much else to fix! This poem is absolutely stunning, and as someone who loves to draw and paint, it hit home for me. Keep writing! I look forward to reading more of your works in the future.
Wow!!! This poem is really good. I love how it's one of those poems full of depth and you don't necessarily understand it when you just read it once. It is one of those poems that you would analyze in a language arts class and I give you an applause for that!!! In my opinion it seems metaphorical but that is just my thought on it. Keep on writing!! I can't wait to see what else you write!!!