Young Writers Society

Hey! This is Alice here to review your poem.

Story

So there is this sailor who left home quite some time ago and he is very far from home now. He decides to go ashore, but he gets caught in a storm which takes him on a journey. He almost drowns? and he'll go back once his clothes are dry again.

The story was a bit confusing but in poetry stories don't need to be perfectly understandable. I mostly like mine to leave the bits blurred so the reader can try and uncover the meaning and hidden truths of the work.

Grammar, Punctuation, Confusion, etc.

The grammar was okay. There were some lines that were confusing and just sounded weird. There were commas in odd places and you capitalized when unnecessary. All these problems can be fixed quite easily so I wouldn't worry about that. There were some lines that left me confused and that has to do with the story as well. It wasn't mystery like most poets try in incorporate in their work, it was more like you were jumping around and I couldn't follow.

Relate-ability

I didn't find it quite relate-able because well I'm not a sailor. I know I don't have to be a sailor to feel his emotions but I really didn't get the piece. I feel like you were trying to say that there are storms in life? Or at least something like that.

Summary & Conclusion

I'm reading other reviewers' reviews and I can see that I might have not understood this work like they did, since they seem to fully understand the story. I'm still confused and I really think that once you fine-tune this work it'll be easier to understand and overall much better.

I do though think it was very good and I'm sorry if my review was a bit harsh.
Thank you for publishing this work, it was a pleasure to read it.
Never stop writing,
Alice.

Hi there destinywriter27! Niteowl here to review this poem.

Overall, I like the message of this poem. It tells a solid story of a person on an aimless journey who ends up somewhere they didn't expect. That said, I think the structure could use a little fine-tuning.

As the previous reviewers have said, the first two lines set up the expectation of a rhyming poem, but the rest doesn't. I would keep the whole thing in free verse myself, since you seem to be doing quite nicely without shoe-horning in rhyme.

On stanzas: they may be useful, and you may have had them originally but they got eaten by the Publishing Center. That's a known bug, and I think this is a good way to fix it if you want to do that.

Another thing I'd like to talk about is line breaks. At least once, you end on insignificant words like "the". This is something I'd avoid because the ending word of each line is going to get the most attention from the reader. Therefore, you want to end on the strongest words possible.

A lone sailor, amidst the

Overwhelming waters.

Perhaps it was destiny,

Perhaps I have many

More storms to go.

And they may start the

Same journey or they may not.

Either way, I got to be

Ready to dive in.

Hey! This was beautiful. It really told a story very well.

However, I can't really tell if this is meant to rhyme or not! The first two lines gave the impression of it being a rhyming poem, but the rest of the poem didn't seem to have a rhythm to it. I would stick without the rhyming pattern, and just alter the first two lines.

Also, since you used punctuation in the poem, on the parts where you are in the middle of a "sentence" and you switch lines, don't capitalize it. It makes it a little confusing to read and I struggled to read it out loud due to this.

Well, that was my review. Great job overall, and keep writing!

Sarah12

Hey, destinywriter27.

I hate to break it to you, but this poem doesn't fit to be rhymed. The first two lines already show that.

I had decided to set ashore,
With no goal in mind anymore.

A lone sailor, amidst the
Overwhelming waters.
My timid boat, gathered
Much of it inside.

My timid boat, gathered
Much of it inside.

Hello Destinywriter27, Ivy here to review your work.

This is a very...interesting piece of poetry. What was your inspiration for writing this? Did it randomly pop into your mind (like all of my ideas) or was it something you, or someone close to you, experienced?


However, there are somethings I would change, only minor changes though. You might want to separate it into stanzas( just a suggestion). You also began rhyming at the beginning but stopped after that, so you might also want to rhyme a bit more.

And they may start the

Same journey or they may not.