Published December 4, 2011
A promise was made,
Between a man,
And a woman,
They both had promised that,
That they would never forget,
Their friendship,
Their love,
But that promise was broken,
For they had,
Forgotten.
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Canary word: Present
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139,514 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
I think my problem with this is that, when you have such a short piece, you need to make it clever. This is fine as it is, but it lacked any real emotional connection with the reader. My other little tiny nitpick would be the fact that you punctuate after every line, a common misconception when the reality is that you really only need it when you need it. This poem is nice and definitely has some potential, but I really would've liked to see this go somewhere different to give it a little uniqueness.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
Hey there, Demib! I'm Rose, and I'll be reviewing this piece today!
First off, I love this piece. It's very simple but still gets its point across. In fact, the best thing about it is its simplicity; it's stark, which makes it leave an impression. However, I do have some suggestions that I feel will improve future works of yours as well as this one.
The capitalization and punctuation in this piece was very off. Remember, if you wouldn't put a comma or capitalize a word if it was being written in normal sentence form and not as a poem, don't capitalize or punctuate it here. Pertaining to the structure of this piece, I'm not sure whether it's right or not. I'm not an expert poet, nor do I claim to be. However, I'm sure one of the more advanced poets on this site would be happy to help you with the structure if you asked them.
In future pieces, I would suggest trying to use words that are more unique. While you pulled off the simplicity of this poem, it was short, and the same approach would've made a longer poem boring. Be sure to make your writing different than what other people are doing so that's it memorable.
Great work! Always keep writing!
-Rose
I think that the idea is great, but it could have been written a little better. It seems like you tried to rhyme it in some places and then not in other places. Also, it has kind of a strange beat to it. You might also want to add another stanza. I think that if you change it just a little bit it could be a really great poem but it still needs some work. Great job and keep at it!