Pouring rain pummels on the roof
as an unknown god's anger should.
Her sweet lips do beauty unto herself,
yet the lips have yet to speak a word.
She might never grow up, who knows
and she'll always have to be cherished:
cherished like a grandmother's old ring
that's cracked and broken, but still pretty.
She still grew when the ground had first changed
until she halted, but the world continued.
The ground still grew, seasons changed,
and my poor Naomi was left behind.
For always, the mountain plunges into the valley,
the tree sighs and creaks as it plummets under;
the hum of the hummingbird's wings dwindles
as it falls under the weight of the sky's rain.
And so comes the last burning of the wood:
intelligence giving way under God's anger.
A twisted punishment for biting the apple:
Stay in Eden while the world knows all.
Our mother's tears have drenched the Earth
she's cried so much, to no avail.
God's fire advances on the girl...
please, God....let the fire die...
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140,218 Literary Works • 673,046 Reviews
Short, creative, sweet....Nice poem. It paints a picture in my mind!
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Ooooh blueberry pieee :O
(Just a quick reply to your message before I start, Tatiana is my favouritre character too along with Hanna. XD The Tatiana-Hanna subplot is also my favourite bit of the book ^^ but I love it all!)
Ok. First off, I am warning you now that I am sure I completely misunderstood your poem, but here goes my try haha:
Ok, so this si what happened when I was reading it. I thought that the poe was about how Christianity is updated, but nevertheless a beautiful and loved part of our society. I also thought that the girl was a personification of Christianity, so you are comparing two different sides to the story, the rebellious and the sympathetic. Now that was all working very well until I read the line 'Intelligence gives way under God's anger'. If my interpretation were correct, that would be 'God's anger giving way under intelligence'. And then the rest of the stanza would have made sense as self-harm and trying to be more than you are, which would again relate back to the whole thing. And then the last stanza just doesn't seem to make any sense at all haha. So I have no idea what I am saying and I got my interpretation completely wrong.
Sorry I'm so useless :p
I thought your poem was really nice though and I was affected straight away by the first line.
So all I can say is make it a little clearer what you mean, and then we shall see XD
I hope this helps a bit at least lol.
Adam
Thank you!
Great poem. I loved the rythm of it, I think consistent rhyming would have changed the mood. It was very enjoyable. I'm sorry I didn't 'pick' it apart, I'm still learning how to analyze different work. I love so many things that I barely have anything negative or constructive to say. Especially here, because I think it is right the way it is! Good luck in the future!
MissMadHatter
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