I want to be a crab cake
because I like tall buildings
perpendicular to highways,
penthouse balconies
thirty meter diving platforms.
whenever in San Fran,
i pancake my hands together
so i don't do impromptu Physics
eyeballing skyscrapers.
I want to be a crab cake
because I like tornado sirens
at two in the morning,
someone fetal position mouthwash drunk
in the bed next to me.
whenever in Birmingham,
i listen to my headphones;
tinnitus a siren wail
long after the flight home.
I want to be a crab cake
because I like bridge collapses;
infrastructure devastation
west of Florida,
killing all granola exports.
whenever in Portland,
i waitlist college signs
and estimate the weight limit
of a commuter bridge.
I want to be a crab cake
because the sunsets here
give me panic attacks.
it used to not,
but enough honey has built up
so bees swarm the bonnet
whenever there's a
blood orange tint.
I want to be a crab cake
because I don't like
the seafood here
or Sushi Pier discussions
of future trajectories
while rain pours on our
trout marinated in
Tahoe Tessie piss water.
I want to be a crab cake
because the mountains
bug me out.
i want flat land
where there are
blood prints on highways,
broken families in Tornado Valley,
and remains of promising bridges.
i want to be a crab cake
because i want the world
to eat me up.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,784 Literary Works • 672,764 Reviews
I’m BiruKun. My reviews are very brief and short, so you probably won’t get as much out of this review then most.
I really like this poem. I found it extremely interesting throughout. It’s great how confusing the poem is untill the very last stanza. The italics used in stanzas coming after ones that start with “i want to be a crab cake” could’ve stayed unitalicized, in my opinion. I get that they were add-on stanzas to the previous, but it just feels wierd.
Keep on writing!
thank you for the review! i will revise the italicized parts, although i must say:
if that is the case, i do request that you refrain from reviewing works in the Green Room. because, face it, it's very rare to get a review after you have received the first two. people will look over poetry because they won't get the most bang of their buck. i do it, too, unless there's a driving force to review a specific work. if like you claimed was true and most reviews would have more substance than this one, then essentially the author is prevented a review with more in depth analysis. the Green Room points are sexy, but so is a healthy reviewer-author relationship. just general things, i hope you enjoy your day and thank you once again for the review!
Heyo!!!
GeekyGirl here!!! I am gonna write a reveiw for your poem.
First, I am going to start with what I liked...
I loved your name. The name is so unique and it caught my attention. And your setup. The setup is different, and it kinda reminds me of the setup in CRANK by Ellen Hopkins. It sways, and it catches attention.
Secondly, stuff that needs some help...
When you chose to italicize. You italicize at very weird times, but i guess it was fine, i am just an odd reviewer.
Capitalizing, you need to capitalize your 'I's.
And you might want to give some more information about why your character wants to do things, and the places.
OVERALL: I LOVED IT!! IT WAS WONDERFUL!! IT WAS SO UNIQUE THAT IT WHY I LOVED IT. And i don't even like crab cakes.