The Sorrows of Mother Earth

Hello there, Truth here for a review

NafeCT wrote:His foot trudged forth further into the deep;
mere steps to his endless journey.
I knew him. Before he Like Crook said before me, I'm not sure about these lines and the enjambement here... I feel it makes the poem too choppy.
knew he. I knew him.
He had changed. He
had seen too much.

From the spears they made, comma
to the blood-soaked sands my shores now held.
My terrain and it's flactuity; he'd travelled it.
My skies and their uncertainty; he'd endured them. I like these lines a lot
Only to have the beauty of life
stolen from his eyes.
And what he used to see,
when the sun kissed the horizon
and made love to the sea,
has faded into a distant memory.
I'd changed him.

The dusk and dawn, the rise and set,
erase yesterday but can't forget. The pain, I love this rhyme
the plight my sons' wars had caused. He,
so beautifully, he
knelt at my feet
and let my rains try to wash him clean.

Wow I really love this. I've got no critique for you, this is nearly perfect!
Keep on writing!

-Truth-

This is beautiful. Normally, i dislike long lines in poetry but i felt that in this one, it really worked. I'm not sure about the enjambement here:

I knew him. Before he
knew he. I knew him.

Not sure what it adds to the poem, although i admire the repetition you use- it helps to highlight the emotion behind the words. These lines are my favourite:

And what he used to see,
when the sun kissed the horizon
and made love to the sea,
has faded into a distant memory.

They're just so... elegant.

Keep writing! I look forward to seeing more from you!