Sincerely, Brain

Bravo!

I can't find anythign wrong with it! I relaly like it, it ezpresses a lot of emotion which I like. I have trouble doign this but your, your a pro, you excel in this. At least this is what i think from teh poem. I love it! love it! love it! Also What I like about it is it expesses a lot of feelings and still is short and sweet. Great job! Keep writing because your a pro at it!

Gah, this was amazing! You're a great poet. That's all I can say.

--Lollipopper

First of all, your title was what drew me to this. And now I understood why this has so many likes. It's beautifully written. Even though it's relatively simple, it's effective and works well for what you're trying to say. What makes it so mesmerizing is that so many people have felt this way before; everyone has probably come across a moment when they wished they'd followed their head instead of their heart. Very well done to you; a very well written piece.

Okay this is rather humorous. This is what we all think after heart break, but we never listen. Stupid heart always jumps forward. I think it's rather a cliche poem, (or maybe I just read it somewhere?) Anyway, nothing that I find really distressful except it broke my heart that you didn't use exclamation points after "LISTEN". Heehee, I'm a fan of using them. Other than that I can't find anything wrong.

Tootle-loo,
Nana

Oh my, this is so cool! I love the quick lines. The only thing I'm not sure about is the separation of two stanzas. Maybe you could add a space, too, between the dear and the sincerely like in a real letter.

Like this:

Next time LISTEN

I really like how you embodied how the heart's reasoning and the mind's reasoning rarely line up. Usually very true. The mind is also more likely (I think) to be cautious, conservative, and withdrawn, while the heart is bold, reckless, and fairly emotional.... Obviously. I enjoyed the format and just the simple idea of the poem. Well writ, I must say.

Hey there!

I saw that this was featured so I thought I'd take a gander. And I'm glad I did.

Like others have said in previous reviews, this is so simple yet brilliant!

It makes complete sense and, if our hearts could actually talk to our brains, this would probably be something along the lines of what would be said.

It's true that, in love, we have to choose whether to listen to our head (brain) or our hearts. And in this case you've chosen to have had the character listen to their heart, which I think is probably the case most of the time.

Going back to the poem, because I'm a sucker for going off topic, I loved the way it was humourous yet serious at the same time. You got the balance just right.

I'm going to stop blabbering on now and say congrats on writing a lovely poem!

xDudettex

Hey! Great job on the poem...I loved it! This poem is totally relatable, and it is very well-written. The only things I would change have already been mentioned...over all I really really really loved it! Muy Bueno!
-jilly-

Good job and very well written keep it up!

~FW~

Ohmigee! I loved this, very very much. It was flawless and I've recently experienced something to this degree where I was just really angry at myself. But thank you so much, for putting what I've been feeling and what others have felt into words. It was quite lovely and I hope to read more. =]

That was awesome! it's a new approach at expressing frustration. how DO we know what love is? If only we really could write a letter to our hearts from our minds.
Sometimes the hardest part of life is deciding whether to listen to our brains or our hearts. This was a nice way of conveying a feeling of confusion, of wishing for an obvious answer and an escape from heartbreak.

Ola everyone!

WOW, WOW, WOW, WOW, WWWOOOOWWWW! This is insane! I haven't been here in a couple of days so I didn't even realise my poem was featured. I feel so proud! Thank you!

I've read all your comments and I just want to say thank you for all the positivity and constructive criticism. I appreciate it a lot. I love how you've all welcomed me into the YWS. I will definitely adopt your contributions and put up revised versions. Thanks again.

Nafe X

This is totally brilliant! Amazing! I can't say anything else! The title is catchy by the way.

I've only one nitpick:

Next time LISTEN

I love this poem, especially the nice little rhyme at the end, and this poem makes a lot of sense to a lot of us! keep up the good work!

I thought this was cute! Very funny and comedic. Great work!!!! Happy writing!!

GENIUS GENIUS GENIUS! I could not praise this poem enough for it's creative and true words! Let me see....

Broken,
Shattered,
In a swift steady motion.
A wretched mess.
You said this time it was real
Is this how real love feels?

WOW. This was a cute and humerous way to potray heartbreak. Usually, poems on this topic are very dark and heavy...this was exactly the opposite and gave me a fresh perspective! Great job!!!

Heyy! Here for an edit!
Blue = comment
Red = edit

Dear Heart,
I told you.
I warned you.
I even begged you.
To stop,
To stay,
To wait.
You didn't.
Now look what's happened. --> what's could be changed to what

Broken, --> try a more creative word, broken is always associated with the heart. Maybe try demolished?
Shattered, --> also not a very origional word. Maybe impared or destroyed?
In a swift steady motion.
A wretched mess.
You said this time it was real
But is this how real love feels? --> start this line out with "but"
Like acidic anguish and alkaline toil?
Next time LISTEN! --> Exclamation!!
And save us both some pain.
I hope you've learnt your lesson. --> I think this should be learned instead of learnt, it sounds better to my ear
Sincerely, Brain.

I came here to tear apart you dreams help you nicely, and I can't find anything wrong. cept for:

is this how real love feels? I think it would be better as is this how love feels?

Other than that, Nothing. Congrats.

~Pointe

I know this already has a lot of reviews (duh, it's featured, so that's kinda a given) but..................................

I LOVE THIS. Seriously, I think everyone can relate to this.

I know that my heart always wants to leap ahead, to love anyone and everyone, to warmly embrace everyone around me--but my brain knows better. My brain knows the pain of rejection, and what will happen if I don't keep my heart in check.

Unfortunately, I don't think this is a lesson that can be learned any way other than the hard way, especially in today's society. Think about it-- there's pressure to date, to have sex, to get married before you're too old to have kids. And I think it's human nature to love first and ask questions later-- it's just how we work. You don't get this experience without becoming at least a little jaded, in my experience.

So, good job. I think that you have managed to put into a poem something that everyone knows, though few listen to it, and some don't even know it yet. It's a hard lesson, but one most of us have to learn.

I don't really see how it's humorous, though. I mean, I guess other people think the brain talking to the heart is humorous, yeah, but...... to me, I just feel the heartrending emotion behind this. It's simplistically beautiful. (I think that's why people love it so much-- everyone can relate here, and it's well-written.)

And don't listen to those people who say parts are cliche. A little cliche is good sometimes, especially in matters of the heart.

I do, however, think that love can be just as painful as rejection sometimes, because of everything you have to go through to make a relationship work-- or maybe that why rejection hurts so much. It's because we love so much. We have such a great capacity to love.

I want to say "I especially liked this part" (insert quote here). But I loved all of it. It was wonderful.

At any rate, I hope at least part of this review was helpful and/or encouraging/ to you, because I was really trying to write a really long review and still keep it meaningful. Thanks for putting this up.

this poem was very sweet and nice.. I really did like it.. Using this theme of being broken after love was very well decided... Something natural and something one can easily relate too.. Good work..
Harshita:)

Well done!!!!! My favote part is the last four lines. I made a poem kinda like this only it wasnt a letter. This actually reminds me of a site. Dearblankpleaseblank.com. you should check it out sometime you would love it. Congratulationz on the featuring. Now i need some sleep. Night! And keep writing!

Love it... LOve it... LOVe it... LOVE it... LOVE It... LOVE IT! It was brill. I think it is quiet humorouss but realistic at the same time. I really loved it. Esspecially the part where it says about saving us both the pain and about how the heart told you it really was real this time. It sounds like the kind of thing I would like to read more often. Do you have any more like this?

Keep writing- good luck
JJxVoodo

Wow, I really loved this

It was amazing how you could portray sincere emotion, yet make it humourous at the same time ^_^

pffflee this is such a terrible review, but that's all I can realy say - plus I'm really tired *hehe* - but well, I loved the creativity, I wrote a letter to my Inspiration, but I've never considered a letter to myself of sorts, very imaginitive! I also loved the format, and how the words were simple but brang a lot of meaning.

As for the caps thing, I agree with Lavvi, it should be underlined, capatilizing it makes you sound desperate to show that that this is something to be shouted.

Keep up the writing!

~Tinkem

Hi Nafe. I just had to post a comment just to say this is brilliant! It shows what normaly happens when we fall in love: Heart vs Brain. Awesome! You're a great writer!

~Solvy <3

I LOVED this. It was comedic, in a way, but also made sense. It twas awesome.

This is so cute! I love the idea of the brain communicating with the heart in the form of a letter, very creative. I also really liked how the first stanza was made up of somewhat simple wording and the second had more adjectives et cetera.

I think everyone else has pointed out the things that need correcting (or not, really it's your poem so it's your decision). Thanks for sharing this it was a delight to read! Keep it up.

The title of this poem drew me to it, and I was not disappointed! I love how sort of humorous this is, though still with a touch of sincerity, and I thought this was adorable:

"Next time LISTEN
And save us both some pain.
I hope you've learnt your lesson.
Sincerely, Brain."

Best part of the poem, and a perfect ending. It flows really nicely. Though I would favour highlighting a word with italics rather than capitals, but that's just me. I also kind of thought that part of the first stanza was kind of just a list of words - "to stop, to stay, to wait" - so maybe a little more description up there would be good. But I really like this, it's very original and cute!

Dear Heart,
I told you. comma
I warned you.
I even begged you.
To stop,
To stay,
To wait.
You didn't.
Now look what's happened.

Broken,
Shattered, shattered is a bit cliche
In a swift steady motion.
A wretched mess.
You said this time it was real
Is this how real love feels?
Like acidic anguish and alkaline toil?
Next time LISTENexclamation
And save us both some pain.comma
I hope you've learnt your lesson.
Sincerely, Brain. Aww i love this rhyme at the end, just lovely

Hi there. Lavvi in to review for you again.

I found it really appealing that the poem was sort of a letter from the brain to the heart. Interesting and unlike anything I've recently read. There was good rhythm, thankfully, except for one part:

Is this how real love feels?

I like this poem, it's short and sweet and gets right to the point. I can see your hurt and emotion. Also, I like how you set it out as a letter.

NafeCT wrote:Dear Heart,
I told you.
I warned you.
I even begged you.
To stop,
To stay,
To wait.
You didn't.
Now look what's happened.
Brilliant stanza, can't find anything wrong with it.

Broken,
Shattered,
In a swift, steady motion. Needs comma there.
A wretched mess.
You said this time it was real
Is this how real love feels? I think that 'Is this how love really feels?' have a smoother flow, but that seemed a bit cliched. However, I do think that this line doesn't flow as well as the others.
Like acidic anguish and alkaline toil?
Next time LISTEN
And save us both some pain.
I hope you've learnt your lesson.
Sincerely, Brain.

Good poem! It taught me that learnt is a word as well!

I love this. It's kind of humorous, but it also shows alot of emotion. I can't find anything wrong with it. Good job [: